Dear Heart to Heart, I am 25 years old and I have discovered that my girlfriend of four years has been cheating on me with several of my friends. Two months ago, I received threats from a man who claims to be her husband. She has denied all these allegations. She is now five months pregnant with what she claims to be my child but I do not trust her anymore. What can I do? John
Sarah Lwanyaga We have seen it in movies, read it in books, and yet our concept of infidelity seems to be stuck with men cheating on their wives and girlfriends. What we fail to understand is that women are as capable of lying and cheating to their boyfriends and spouses as men are. Infidelity and cheating in any relationship signals a fracture of the mutual trust and understanding that the relationship was based on. If your girlfriend has cheated on partners in the past, she may be doing so compulsively. Once you have had time to calm down, ask your girlfriend whether she feels she has any control over her sexual impulses and if she gets any pleasure out of her sexual experiences. If the answer is no, she may have a disorder that requires psychiatric treatment. Ultimately, you need to decide whether or not you can forgive the cheating and move on.
Tebajjukira Erisa My brother this world has got so many beautiful women. Why should you confine yourself in the boundaries of a woman who does not respect you enough to stay faithful?
David Lubega So you want us to trust her for you or to own the pregnancy? Men of these days are funny, if a woman has cheated on you twice, why are you still calling her your girlfriend? If a man has threatened you, why not threaten him or give him the woman, does that need a discussion?
Ivan Waswa John It is a challenging situation but You need to give her some time to sort herself out. Separate for a while until she gives birth. Staying with her now it dangerous.
Atukwatse Daphine Wait for her to give birth and take the baby for a DNA test. There is no need to bring up another man’s child.
Jingo Douglas She cheats these many times with your friends and you still hang around her?
Nsubuga Bart There is only one logical decision to be made here. Either you enjoy to be lied to, or you do not. If you do, keep embracing her and if you do not, then, for crying out loud, walk away. How would any sensible guy ignore and decide to inhale such blatant disregard?
Halima Nanteza Leave her but make sure you support your child. That is your own fresh and blood.
Dennis Matovu I know exactly how you feel: betrayed, angry, confused, and torn. Ultimately, you are going to have to make this decision yourself because no one else will be able to control your emotions in this deep setting.
Tina Njeri Now look at the bright side - you cut off the negative and have plenty of positives to look forward to. Go forth and explore, enjoy, love, and soon enough you will learn to trust again. Soon, it will be much better, hurt as it does for a while.
Jane Muchwa If she loved you she would not have cheated on you. Trust is vital in any relationship. She destroyed your trust. So she is out. You deserve better than her. If your friends were really your friends, they would have cared about your feelings before getting hooked with your girl. But things turned out the other way. Time is the greatest healer. Use it. Surround yourself with positive things (things which give you good emotions while doing it) and positive people who really care about you. And you will be out if this limbo in no time.
Abel Lubega These people made their clear cut choice to sleep together, and betrayed your trust. Simple as this, leave those people in the dirt. You will never regain that trust for them, and you will never get over this hurt with these people in front of your face reminding you of this pain. Use this pain and turn it into strength, and use that strength to recognise when it is time to let these people go forever.
Caroline Nattabi You are worth so much more than this betrayal. Go out and find new friends, in time you will put this behind you and find a new girlfriend who appreciates you for who you are. As for your friends - what sort of friends are they?
Cathy Kasozi: Sometimes it is not easy to just let go of a relationship especially if your girlfriend is pregnant. If you really want to work on your relationship, I think you should seek counselling
from a neutral person. Fight for what you have because sometimes, better the devil you know.
Ali Male, counselling psychologist at A to Z counselling services
She needs your support now
Dear John, sorry about your state of confusion. It must be very hard for you to make a decision, especially now that there is a baby being expected probably fathered by another man. She may have denied the allegations because you used a confronting tone. You still can talk about it in a calm friendly way.
You need to do a reality check about the relationship by asking yourself the following questions
Do you really love this woman? Is there anything you can do about the current situation? How can you help her grow out of this and to show she is of significance to you? By the time you have these answers you will have learnt how to cope.
Kindly be resilient and patient about this because if she is pregnant, she is very vulnerable and needs your support or she may lose her baby. If you are not sure the baby is yours, start preparing for a DNA test in advance such that when the child is born you can have it done immediately.
The greatest security over a wife is to marry her. If the baby turns out to be yours, you will only be secure by legalising your relationship.