Success and egos in relationships

Thursday August 06 2020
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Most of us strive to be the best we can possibly be, especially in our careers. When you are more successful than your partner (even if you are not competing in the same challenge or line of work) you can expect some tension in your relationship.

I hate that I just wrote that latter statement or that it is still a reality for many today. Personally, I am comfortable enough to celebrate the small wins I have had in life while I plan and look forward to more without being aggravated by the many successes of my peers, especially my significant other (should I have one).

Unfortunately, we are born and raised in a system that pumps ideals and images of competition into our minds right from our foundation straight into adulthood. It is simplistic to think that competing and appearing to be more successful than another person is what will make us more superior and give us an elevated place in society.

I believe this is a sickness, sickness of the mind that you are constantly working hard not for the betterment of self but to appear greater than another, constantly focused on what they are doing. I have been seeing a quote recently that directly applies to this “Comparison is the thief of Joy” and it is true to this just as it is to any other part of life.
So gents, I am going to drag you just a bit here because this problem appears to be worse in our gender.

Males will be agitated if their female counterpart outperforms them in even the most trivial task like exercising to lose weight together. I find that so crazyto me, that your ego would be so bruised, that you would in turn choose to be upset at your significant other.
My intention however is not to put focus and blame on one gender, but to see how both can be villains in creating tension around success.

One needs to stop looking at the relationship as a competition and instead see it as a partnership, if you care about the person you are with as much as you care about yourself then competing with each other is not the path to take in order to secure longevity.
You should instead think of how to support your partner and think of what sort of support you need from them to elevate yourself to where you desire to be professionally and financially.

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Open the lines of communication on the topic, make sure the insecure party feels adequate. That you are equals building a life together and not in competition with each other, because a win for one is a win for both since you are a unit.

Become your partner’s biggest cheerleader, eliminate any thought of competition from their mind by showing them you are not trying to one up them in any way, shape or form. Become their fan, champion them and everything they do even if they do not bring in as much as you do at the bank.
Figure out your joint finances, essentially money should not be the root of all evil but if you have disparate incomes it very well can be.

How you split money is up to you and different couples will handle their finances differently.
The key is to arrange money in a way that allows both partners to have a fair share of independence and financial responsibility regardless of career success. This eliminates the need to compare to each other as both are bringing in a significant amount of money.

Pay attention to the power dynamic, most unions have a power imbalance and it is usually very clear who holds the reins, it comes naturally to assume that because you make more money you should take lead of the relationship. Which is wrong (well unless that is a system that works for you both). Try balancing it out and making the system equal for you both.

We all have egos, we all want to be successful and I see no fitting reason as to why my success should intimidate someone nor do I see anyone’s achievements blocking me from supporting them. There is enough room and enough earth for all of us to shine.

Relationship longevity
You should instead think of how to support your partner and think of what sort of support you need from them to elevate yourself to where you desire to be professionally and financially.

bradkamuntu@gmail.com

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