The breakup strategy: Remember to be kind

Thursday July 16 2020

There is a lot to consider when the conclusion

There is a lot to consider when the conclusion to end a relationship occurs, what did you do? How will the other person feel? Is it best for the both of you that this partnership ceases existence? PHOTO | SHUTTERSTOCK 

By Bradford Kamuntu

Regardless of the good intentions one may have and whether the terms of dissolution are good and viewed with optimism by both parties, breaking up with a partner is never an easy task.

Many of us lead by how we may feel, others by reaction based on the actions carried out by the other party and for those of us that lack the experience or ‘how to’ knowledge we may take a page out of the book of the several romantic comedies and dramas we have watched. Whatever the method, the approach is always different.

There is a lot to consider when the conclusion to end a relationship occurs, what did you do? How will the other person feel? Is it best for the both of you that this partnership ceases existence?

There is an old saying (and I cannot for the life of me remember where I heard it first) that goes “breaking up is hard to do” not only is it hard to do but it comes with an array of emotional complications that must be dealt with to restore normalcy in our lives (well, for most of us anyway).

Breakups are particularly difficult because they are as unique as the relationships that spawned them and as much as I am sitting here typing on my laptop how I think we should navigate them, I also think giving advice on breakups is complex because they are very contextual.

For example, I would never advise anyone to break up with someone via text message, but then I have also heard stories where people go a bit crazy on their partners after a breakup and in that instance I would advocate for a text (you know, for safety purposes).

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If the signs are at an all-time high, if you can feel it in your gut that it is time for things to end then by all means, please listen to that little voice inside you that is telling you to end things. Whether you are the dumper or the dumpee, accept it and ease into it.

The best advice that I can give gathered from personal experience and from witnessing a few tragic love stories is, initiate the break up if you have come up with reasons as to why, do not sit and wallow in grief hoping the other person will come to the decision to end it, they might not view things as intelligently as you do.

Here are some steps I have gathered over the years of how best to go about this.

Then always lead with kindness, regardless of what has happened to you in this relationship, how badly hurt you feel and how much you may want to choke that person to death always remember to lead with kindness. In your execution, in your words of choice and your body language. This almost always births swifter healing.

When you are at peace with your decision and have taken the necessary steps to forgive yourself and this person while still acknowledging that your lives would be better off without each other, there is less room for manipulation post breakup and less chances of harbouring any ill will or negativity toward each other going forward.

Make sure all the necessary steps have been taken to try and salvage things, assess whether there is room to change and grow before you let this person go. Or has every trick in the book been tried and you are ready to rid yourself of the dead weight.

Consider the logistics, are you living together? Is the accommodation co-owned or does one of the parties have to move out.

Make sure there is already a plan in place for this to take place because even if you are done with this person you need to remember there was once a time when you loved them deeply.

Kicking them out without notice or solution as to where to go would be very heartless and your karma to bear. *whispers* unless they were completely vile and inconsiderate, in which case kick them out anyway.

Location is a very big factor, you never know how someone is going to react to news of a break up so make sure it happens somewhere isolated where you will be free of any embarrassment, somewhere you can have your nerves and emotions come undone without fear of being watched.

However, if you are breaking up with someone you consider to be dangerous then perhaps a public location is the best possible option.

Then, give your friends or family the heads up before you carry on with any of this make sure you have the emotional support ready in place for when you are done and need a listening ear or two.

It is a grim task, but somebody has got to do it and if you feel like you are in that space then go ahead and rip the band aid off and get it done.
Happy Breaking Up!

bradkamuntu@gmail.com

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