Most marriages that end up being dysfunctional and dead are usually victims of small issues that were ignored and not resolved on time. As the adage goes, “when you do not fix a crack, you will build a wall. The issues become like little cracks that slowly bring the relationship down.
These cracks mature into chasms that might never be bridged leading to the demise of many marriages. Usually, the couple know when it began raining on their marriage. When they look at the ruins of their once beautiful relationship, they know what they could have done but did not.
Below are some issues that if not fixed in time will kill your relationship:
Getting married is not a guarantee that your top expectations will be met. When people do not get what they thought marriage and their spouse would get them, they get frustrated and if their disillusion is not addressed, this becomes the start of a crack.
When people are new in a relationship, they try all they can to make each other happy. After a while, familiarity creeps in and the spouse is no longer special worth sacrificing for or doing nice things to. This becomes another crack in the relationship.
When one spouse begins thinking they are too good for their spouse who no longer deserves them, a crack emerges. Some people think that it is such a privilege for their spouse to have married them. They also imagine that they are doing too much and the other should fall prostrate and hail them to thank them for “saving” them.
Selfishness is a huge killer of marriages. A spouse who continues to behave like a single person and makes decisions and choices without involving the other is busy creating cracks.
Seeking satisfaction outside marriage. When cracks are left to grow, people start seeking for satisfaction outside the home. They start lusting after others who they perceive could make better companions and satisfy their needs-sexual, emotional, material or otherwise.
When one or both spouses are stuck in their ways refusing to learn from the other, this weakens a union. To some, all they bring into marriage is some opinions which they consider as the absolute truth. They are not open to learning but wish to change their spouse to fit their worldview. They are rigid in their ways and never see as the cracks develop.
In some homes, poor communication is the most obvious crack that has to be dealt with. It is like couples find it hard to be truthful and authentic. Lies, rudeness, and nil-by-mouth become the order of the day.
Great marriages are a work in progress and are a result of great efforts. To some once married, there is no need to grow the marriage. Romance slowly dies and affection is replaced with the mundane.
This crack quickly degenerates into a chasm faster than others. All human beings crave for honour and respect and if this lacks at home, they end up looking for it somewhere else.
Getting married is not necessarily a proof of maturity. Attaining years compared to becoming mature can be as different as day and night. Marriage is for the mature because the responsibilities therein require a mature approach.
This story was first published in Daily Nation