When we argue, he uses sex as punishment

Thursday May 10 2018

When argue uses sex punishment

Sex is for enjoyment in a steady relationship and not to be used as a weapon to punish either of the couple. COURTESY PHOTO 

By Beatrice Nakibuuka

Dear Heart to Heart, I am 27 years old and my boyfriend is 28. Every time we disagree, he keeps quiet and says; “I will show you in bed”. Once he says that, I know I will not sleep the whole night because he will force me to have continuous sex with him even when I am tired. If I try to force him into a discussion he says, “That is how I close your big mouth”. I am now confused because as a couple, I think we are supposed to talk through our issues. What can I do?

David S. Mukasa. Boundaries are very important in relationships but while you are not addressing the real problem, it will not matter much what boundaries you attempt to put in place. Conflict will always arise. The best thing to do here is to have a conversation with your boyfriend and let him know that what he is doing is hurting you and the relationship as well.

Fred Jausenge. This is your boyfriend and it is your duty to satisfy him sexually. However, he needs to know that sex is a priviledge not a right and he should also consider your feelings. Tell him how you feel and if you cannot face him, write a letter or send him a text message. Also try and examine your relationship to understand why things are as they are. Think about this and keep him satisfied otherwise you may lose him to other women out there.

Phillip Kabugo. It is very sad that you have to give in to sex even if you do not feel like doing it. Remember good sex is two-way and should be done when both parties are up to it. Talk to your husband about the situation and if he still does not want to talk, leave him.

Desire Nsamba. Sexual intercourse must be done with the union of hearts and souls. It is obvious that your partner does not believe in this. Talk to him or quit the relationship.”

Okwa Linga. Leave him. That is the problem with men who do not cheat. Too much energy to waste on person.

Wanda Jonathan Hyena. In Traditional African culture when couples disagreed and the wife left their marital home, she would be forced back in the hope that if they became intimate, their challenge would be settled. You should avoid getting into conflict with him so that the marathon sex is not necessary.

Barbie Beatrice. Ask God to change him. Do not act like a non-believer. You know the weapon is your knees.
Becky Beckhams Aarakit. Someone who loves you should not take vengeance but rather correct you or accept the mistake and move on. What is a relationship where the two of you are not speaking to each other? I do not see this working out and one day, he might just hurt you badly.

Tiffany Nichols. There is no respect in the relationship and no respect equals no relationship. Move on. There is another man out there who will treat you like a queen.

Moses Earthe. That means he first takes sex drugs then comes to bed. This is not a normal relationship, if you have nothing bounding you together like a child, please move on. It is not a relationship if you do not talk and solve issues.

Akumu Agnes. I think some men just do not want to hurt their women by beating them. I also have a friend who tells me that once she annoys the husband, he tells her to wait at bed time and he also uses sex to teach her a lesson. Such men surely need counselling.

Muhoozi Grace. Mind about the issues that are causing disagreements, because “showing” you in bed is not part of the problem and neither is it a solution.

Mugumya Olan Omukakamu. You are not safe my sister. Quit that relationship and life will go on until you get a partner who cares and respects you.

Grace Jackee Dawa. Well, it seems you also keep quiet when he does that. Then I guess, his method has worked to solve further arguments.

Baryabasa Caleb. Your relationship is stunted because at your age your marriage should have progressed from the ‘drama’ stage to discovery stage and finally to stability. Both of you need to be serious and seek guidance from trusted friends or elders.

Zaly Dia. He is an animal. How is sex supposed to close your big mouth? It seems this person is not ready for a relationship and is just using you to satisfy his weird sexual needs. Run my sister and do not look behind.

Zirintuusa Mike. You are almost 30 years old and still in that katemba? Both of you must get serious and think beyond that bed of punishment.

Nyakojo Donavan. Your issue needs personal attention not media attention.

Counsellor’s say:
Evelyn Kharono Lufafa, counselling psychologist at Ssuubi Medical Centre

Talk to your boyfriend

Dear anonymous, communication is the key in any relationship and if this is not an ingredient in any relationship then there are bound to have sharp differences. The two of you need quality time to discuss about issues that may hamper your relationship.

Sex is for enjoyment in a steady relationship and not to be used as a weapon to punish either of the couple. Some people’s self-esteem has been so crushed from childhood and therefore they are not assertive but instead use sex as a tool.
I guess your boyfriend could be using sex as a way to pull his hampered ego. You can be of help by sitting down with him in your best moments and assertively tell him exactly how you feel when he uses sex as a punishment instead of enjoyment. As a couple you need to use all means available to you to communicate on anything that injure the relationship.