When should you be selfish in a relationship?

Thursday May 16 2019

 

By Christine Nakalungi

If you find yourself standing at the crossroads where you have to either choose between the person you want to be in future or the person your heart has fallen for, which direction would you take?
Yes she has most of the qualities you wished for in a lover but when you visualise your dreams and anticipations, she is not the kind of woman you want to ride with for the rest of your life. Some partners are supportive of your dreams but others will suffocate your dreams and make you doubt your abilities. Should you stick with a person who does not support your dreams?
A certain person told me that sometimes people have impossible dreams, and all they need is someone to help them face the reality and exchange their wild dreams for something perhaps less but achievable. It does make sense but would you sacrifice your dreams for love?
This is a dilemma that most people face. In so many cases, the lovebirds are blinded by love and do not see beyond the wedding. Once they have tied the knot, they realise that they sacrificed a lot to earn that ring. Some people might just adapt to the new life and bury their dreams but others are forced to live a sad life full of regrets. Others though cannot stand the fact that the spouse is not supportive enough and before you know it, they are filing for divorce.
How much are you willing to sacrifice for love? This is something you should consider before you say “I do”. Some people have always dreamt of being parents. However, what will you do if the person you have fallen in love with is not willing to give you children, or she is barren? Would you take the bet anyway? In other instances, marrying some people might mean leaving your whole life behind, dropping your religion for his or moving to an area or even a foreign country for love. Are you able to gladly let go of everything you have held so dear?
I once worked with someone who fell deeply in love with someone who has HIV/Aids. They were madly in love with each other until he decided to marry her; her family intervened and forbid the relationship. Her mother wailed like she had lost a child. She begged her not to marry the man because eventually, the condoms will no longer be an option and she too will contract the disease.
So the question is, when is love too much? When are you supposed to take a step back, be selfish and consider what you want to be rather than whom you want to be with?

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