Dear Heart2Heart, I have been dating this girl for two years and even introduced her to my family. However, I recently found out that she is cheating on me with my elder brother. What should I do? Anonymous
Godfrey Lubega: Always remember that cheating or betraying or anything a person does, is a choice made by that person. Your brother and girlfriend made their choices by cheating or betraying you. All you can do now is to forgive yourself for being stupid enough to not see the “red” flags and move on with your life. I know it is easier said than done, but there is no other way. Ditch these kind of people from your life. Meet new people. Make new friends. Date new people. Do things that make you happy and take your mind off all that has happened.
Christine Nattabi: People just do not get manipulated into cheating, she wanted to cheat. So she did. She most likely had her eyes on your brother for a lot longer than you think. Why keep these two in your life? They already proved to you that they are capable of back stabbing you, then blaming it on assumptions as facts.
David Nsokwa: There are better people in the world to associate with than these two. Move on, and cut off communication with them is my recommendation. Choose your own happiness, either forgive them, or keep them out of your life. The choice is yours.
Joice Imani: First, calm yourself down. Do everything you can to help yourself heal and avoid your brother. At family gatherings, without hating him, do not initiate conversations. Talk to others, sit by others.
Stella Awino: Consider yourself lucky that you have found out she is a cheater early on before the relationship had the chance to get deeper (for example marriage and children). Consider yourself lucky that at least her cheating was with someone you know and/or love, your own brother, instead of with some random stranger.
Mya Doreen: Ultimately, you are a human being and have human feelings and attitudes. You will never get over this. You just live with it, or you can die from it, your choice. If you choose to continue living, then you accept this as a fact of life and just don’t get angry about this particular episode.
Drake Lwanga: Make amends with your brother. Women come and go. Brothers set each other straight, and laugh at the mess.
Phillip Rogers: You should concentrate on finding a way to salvage your relationship with your brother. As the old saying goes, blood is thicker than water. This is probably going to be one of the hardest things you have ever done.
Mayimuna Sentongo: Rejoice that you discovered early the character of the person you were calling your girlfriend. You could have invested years with her before her true character and values were discovered.
Sadres Twinomugisha: End the relationship. You do not know how many people are in this sexual network. Run for your life.
Phoebe Miriam: Since she is cheating with your brother please let her be. You do not have to conflict with your brother but rather ignore her and find someone else.
Ivan Waswa: In some cultures it is allowed. Truth is, you have enough information. What do you think is right? Go for that. We only advice and you decide.
Akankwatsa Allan: Let the relationship go. Someone special will come into your life.
Raykims Elemuwa: She is unfaithful and I do no think she will make a good wife. Let her go and you will find someone else.
Solaya Zalwango: Step aside, wish them well and move on.
Even if you confront them, there is no point. You cannot fix something like that where a family member is the offending party. Your brother ought to be ashamed of himself though.
Esther Namukasa: Two years and the only thing you have done is introduce her to your family? What about introducing you to her family?
Steven K Nsubuga: Thank your big brother for helping you discover that she was not the right one for you. Then, move on and get a new girlfriend.
Mulungi Jesse Favour: They are not worth your time. Let your brother have her. That is low down for anyone. No respect at all.
Gloria Wanyenze: Try and find out why she is cheating on you, especially with your elder brother.
Awajimokpe Benjamin: Theodore Let her go because your life is more important than anything else.
Jonathan Okiru, counsellor, Family life network
Speak to them separately
Dear anonymous, you must be going through a difficult situation where you have even failed to make a decision. Falling in love with partner’s relative is a common practice in both men and women and is usually because of the psychological proximity that is unguided and has no limit.
These relationships are not accidental and gradually grow each time they meet. There may not be a turn back time. This could be a learning point for you to learn to have boundaries guiding you as a couple from the family relatives.
It is important for you at this point to try and find out how far the relationship between your girlfriend’s and your brother has gone. From your reflections and insights, you should be able to make an informed decision. If they have already had sex for instance, it may be hard for you to separate them or you will create a conflict between you and him.
Speak to your brother and girlfriend separately not as a confrontation but a concern. If she is positive about changing, then take measures that would limit them from seeing each other but often times you cannot force people to end a relationship.