Dear Heart2Heart, My boyfriend and I have been dating for four years now and have a three-year-old daughter. We do not live together but he takes care of the baby and I. Problem is, he has refused to show any signs of commitment to me and when I ask what plans he has about marriage, he just says I love you. Meantime I have started dating another man who says he wants to marry me. How do I make a decision? Fadyi
Peter Paul Balikuddembe. It is absurd that someone is willing to marry you but you are still holding onto your daughter’s father. Before having a child, you could tell him to do anything for you but now you lost that right. Go with the one willing to marry you as long as he will accept to look after your daughter.
Karakire David. What were your expectations for this relationship with this man? Were these expectations revealed to him? If so please sit down with him and tell him how you feel. He most likely has thought about it and is just being lazy about it in which case he needs to be pushed a little or he is just completely not interested in which case you will have done your due diligence for you and your daughter’s sake. He sounds like a man that can be reasoned with. Talk to him. Whatever the outcome, you owe it to yourself.
Abdullahi Mohamed Ahmed. In Islam, it is unlawful to have a child without being married. Therefore, if marriage is what you have being looking for, then you have lost the way when you gave birth before he married you.
Nampa Patience Natie. You need to clearly tell your boyfriend your need to be married. May be he is not aware of why you need him to commit to you and if he cannot do that, then you tell him of your plans to marry another person. You deserve some one that knows your worth and values you.
Anna Odong. After you get married you will wish you were free. Take your time and pray about it. Let God guide you on this one. And study your partner, no need to rush anything.
Ivan Waswa. Moving on is not bad but are you ready for it. Promises are always many in life but fulfilling them is different. What if this new man after having a child with also does the same thing?
Sara Grace. Tell him you are moving on because you have found the kind of man you want. You already have a four-year degree in relationship management from your boyfriend. Move on and have the kind of life that you desire.
Nyakojo Donavan Alecs. Sit him down and talk to him about it. However, the man you are dating may also change in the longrun. First asses the new man’s intentions to see if he is just mentioning marriage so that he can sleep with you. A number of men will promise heaven on earth and run once they get what they want.
Kanan Joseph. The new man is saying that because he wants to sleep with you. Let his words be backed up with actions. Ask him to visit your family so that he is properly introduced and he if he refuses, then you will know his true intentions. Be careful you my loose a good man while chasing a bad one.
Think before starting over
You may need to resolve many issues before you start another relationship. Do your goals in parenting, finances, sexuality, decision making, spouse personality and careers align with any of the two boyfriends?
Kindly find out if resolutions have taken place in all aspects before you move on. Help your boyfriend with whom you have a child to understand your predicament and what you need. Keep it in your prayers.
Ali Male counselling psychologist, A-Z professional counselling and support centre
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