Dear Heart to Heart,
I am in my mid-twenties and have been dating my boyfriend for seven years. We are considering taking the relationship to the next level but there are a few things that are stopping me. My best friend, who is also my boyfriend’s friend, flirts with him a lot. She always makes plans with us whether it is shopping or weekend trips. And when I cannot accommodate her plans, she goes out with him anyway. They also have sleepovers at his place and considers it harmless. When I objected to such behaviour, my boyfriend accused me of being jealous and my best friend said I was over-reacting. How should I handle this situation?
Kutu Brenda. Your friend is not the problem, your boyfriend is. Any man that puts you in a position to compete with another woman is not worthy your energy. The same applies to a man who always accommodates other women, has their time and gives them that sense of belonging.
Adeola Onitolo. This is the beginning of a situation in which two people are fighting each other over a man. I think you should quit this relationship before they embarrass and break your heart.
Tugeineyo Ezra Ntsyori. I do not trust this negative-positive charge relationship with no bonding. Let your boyfriend avoid her as well if he loves you. Otherwise, you may need to wake up sister. seven years and still playing games?
Tom Malinga. I see no problem here. I have a best friend whom I treat as my sister. Nothing has happened between us.
Nangendo Joanita. Your best friend is the real girlfriend, the reason she is disrespecting you like this. Find your way out of that relationship.
Fred Mukasa. There are some people who do not mind such and there is probably nothing fishy going on between your friend and boyfriend. You are entitled to the way you feel and if you have expressed that their behaviour bothers you and they have not changed, then dump the both of them and find other people who will consider your feelings.
Shifah Namutebi. So you have been dating for seven good years and nothing to show for it? So for those seven years what have you gained in the relationship? No wonder your friend is trying to take over.
George William. Be a principled woman by knowing and sticking to what u want. A relationship is between two people. Therefore, tell your boyfriend that he needs to have limits and that there certain things you cannot tolerate. If he does not change, then just move on.
Kamau Andrew Chege. Communication is key in a relationship. There is a need for openness with one another, discussing what you feel uncomfortable about. If you cannot speak up now, what will happen when you get married?
Ruth Mwesigye. But why seven years of dating. What exactly haven’t you learned about each other in all this period. I see seven wasted years.
Phoebe Miriam. The truth is, your boyfriend is dating both of you. You need to wake up and put your feet firmly on the ground. It is either you or her. Stop wasting time. If he is not sure, just quit and move on.
Micheal Kazinda. You have already wasted seven years with a man who is clearly not taking you anywhere. You cannot give him any more of your time.
Winfred Namataka. When two grownups who could not date before you came into the picture start behaving like that, you walk away.
Jane Nabanakulya. Come to grips with the fact that is not your best friend. Friends and family do not flirt with, date or marry anyone you have been in a situation with romantically. Look intently at the situation, how does your boyfriend react when this is going on? Being honest with yourself, do you have any fear or gut feeling that something is going on behind your back? Usually your sixth sense will work more accurately than your wish in these situations.
Umer Farooq. It depends on whether your best friend is being successful at flirting with your boyfriend. If your boyfriend is committed to you honestly, than he should not get involved with her. That is what real love is. If he can be taken by another girl while being in another relationship, than he was not what you deserved. You would deserve much better.
David Mukasa. What is making her think that she has a right to go out with your boyfriend?
Jane woods Speak up again
Since you have already expressed your feelings to your boyfriend and your best friend and we know what they have done about it, it’s time for you to turn inward for help.
There is no use getting berated for feeling a certain way. You need to ask yourself, is it possible for you to continue with the jealousy and the relationship and the friendship? What is keeping you in this relationship?
Remain persistent about letting them know that their behaviours are making you uncomfortable. Speaking up once in not enough.
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