Dear Heart to Heart, I am 23 but have issues when it comes to love. I have only dated two men so far. I broke up with the first because he impregnated a woman at his workplace and moved in with her. I also want to break up with the second one, a divorcee, whom I have been dating for two years because he never has time for me. However, recently I met a man at my workplace and although we have worked together for only eight months, he asked me out a month ago. My problem is, this man already wants us to be intimate. I have tried to ask for more time so that we get to know each other better but he complains every second of the day. How long should a couple take before getting intimate? Am I being too complicated?
David Lubega. It is decent if you do not sleep with him if you only started dating a month ago. It is not even an issue, just tell this man, it is not your policy, you need to discover more in your relationship and that you need time or he quits and move on. Sometimes he could be tricking you and he is hiding something, which you may know too late to withdraw.
Elder Omorogbe. My dear, intimacy is not defined by the length of time but your complete adaptation of spirit, body and soul. Defining characters in between the two of you. Remember, once bitten, twice shy. Learn to put yourself first in every situation.
Bwire Michael Emmanuel. There isn’t any correlation between the length of time you give in to the length of time he stays. So, the time you take to give in isn’t proportional to the time you will be together.
Domnic Congress. Love goes together with respect of both inner and outer feelings, respect him and do what your heart tells you not forgetting, ‘don’t hurt a heart which hurts’.
Sarah Masaba. Pray to God for the right husband. Nowadays, you might stay with a man for more than four years and later separate. So whether you give or not, if he is meant to be yours he will wait and be there for you in any situation.
Prim Rjseth. If he cannot wait but is serious about a commitment, task him for an introduction and eventually marriage.
Joseph Rwamunya. There is no formula. Just follow your heart. Do not cram for a relationship, each is unique.
Susan Kituyi. You are not just being complicated but you are complicated. You also do not know what you want. You had a man who would accept your decisions but you say he does not give you time. Now you have got one who gives u time, but you say he is rushing into sex. What do u want? My sister, being complicated will not secure you the right man. In relationships, you have to be simple.
Danny Matri Omingo. There is no specific time for being intimate even one day is enough. Just give it a try since you have worked together for close to nine months.
Okuonzi Emmanuel. Stick to your word. You are very right. If you are not careful, he will just use you and drop you. Please do not pay attention to him otherwise you will regret later.
Florence Arinya. My sister men are very tricky and remember some are not willing to settle down. Since he seems to be interested in just one thing, let him go and pray to God to give you the right man. Your health is your life.
Eva Baaza. A man who loves you will respect your decision to wait. If he cannot respect you even within the first month, that is already a red flag.
Tony Nyakoojo. A man who loves you will never leave you even if you had sex the day you meet.
Opetu Simon. I Think the type of man you are dreaming of no longer exists in this 21st century. If God wanted couples to have sex on a wedding day, he would wait and give them their sexual organs on that day.
Moses Earthe. You are lucky still 23 years. Soon you will be 30, and you will start crying to have someone just for the intimacy and you will see none.
Solange Jacque Tasha. Some have been dumped because of giving in and some because of refusing to offer their bodies. So, it does not matter whether you give in or not because in the end, the outcome will be the same. When someone is meant for you he will always be regardless of whether you sleep with them or not. However, it is better to be dumped when you have kept your principles intact.
Nyakojo Donavan Alecs. A serious man looking for a wife does not come the way that guy came to you and he does not demand for sex. He just wants to have sex with you and walk away so be careful.
Phoebe Miriam. Girl, you fish in polluted ponds. Avoid divorcees and always do background checks on guys before committing to them. Your first guy was already committed while the second lied to you and is seeing his ex-wife. The man you are currently seeing is only interested in sex, nothing more. I suggest you take your time. Do not mix business with relationships. Workplace romance does not usually thrive. If he is not willing to wait let him go.
Kironde Eric: The problem here is ladies think being intimate is still a big deal in this generation. Do what your heart tells you in order for you not to have any regrets.
Ali Male, counselling psychologist at A-Z Counselling Centre
Lay your principles at the beginning
Dear Doreen, it is clear that you are experiencing a situational crisis characterised by conflicting thoughts over your life principles. Things sometimes may not match expectations. I encourage you to think of a win-win in every situation and have a mentality that everyone has an opportunity.
Always lay your principles before any man during the initial stages so that things move systematically and redirected properly. If you did not tell him about your principles in the first stage, it may be hard for you to do now.
Practice effective decision making skills because in relationships, you do not decide too soon and not too late. Think in between. You should be able to judge this person’s character and be open enough to tell him how you feel about his demand for sex so you can have an informed decision of whether to go on with him or insist on your principles. There will always be a better chance for you.