Living and loving it: Marriage advice a week before the wedding

Tuesday September 3 2019


By Carol Beyanga

We met at the Midtown Diner. This was the last in-depth talk we were having before she ties the knot in a week’s time. When I have the last long meeting or lunch or dinner with young ladies, preparing to walk down the aisle, I am not sure what to say. So much is running through my mind.

We might have already spoken about what to expect, what to look out for, what to enjoy and lots of other things. But suddenly that last day, it seems there is so much I have not told them yet. I suppose my problem is that I am trying to cram 13 years of my marriage experience, marriage seminars, marriage workshops and marrieds cell meetings into one and a half hours of conversation. Not remotely possible. Of course.

So anyway, there I was listening as my dear friend spoke about the flower girls’ hair, hoping it would look nice with the hairstyle she had chosen. She hoped that the last wedding meeting would have a good number of people so she could pass on invitation cards, and collect a little more money to finish with the last details. She also worried about the maids dresses and hoped they would fit just fine. She also had to keep calling a few people to give them details and find out where she could collect their contributions from.

I smiled as she spoke about all these things over our delicious chicken pilau, gravy and juice. I wanted to tell her that the wedding would be just fine because what she and her fiancé had been able to do so far was really good so there was no cause to worry.

I wanted to let her know that if a flower girl could suddenly not make it as part of the entourage the morning of the wedding, the world would not end and the ceremony would still happen. I wanted to tell her it was no use fighting over what song was best to walk down the aisle to. But I didn’t. Because I have been a bride before and I know how all those small details seem like such a big deal at that point.

What I did tell her though was that the wedding would be over in one day and that the marriage was the bigger deal. I let her know that even though she had received all sorts of advice from all sorts of people, myself inclusive, she and her fiancé were to create their own path and marriage, taking the good and leaving the bad. I told her that there will be some real challenges in her marriage that no one will be able to advise on, and that the two of them will have to be on the same team to work it out.


I also told her that there would be many wonderful moments and she should not forget them, especially when the hard times come by. I told her not to look at the wedding as the start of something difficult but which is a rite of passage anyway; instead she should look at it as the start of something new and beautiful that will be met with some difficulties which can be overcome.

So now we await the wedding day which I believe shall be beautiful. In the meantime, I need to decide what dress I shall wear to the ceremony. The wedding after all, must be enjoyed.