It was one of those weeks when the signs of the times were all glaring. It was a week of the Threesomes (forgive my mind), but I meant to say the Three Sams. There was the Sam who got an accident and built a ward. There was a Sam who got cancer, admitted to Mulago and sadly did not recover. And there was the Sam of Sams, the meneja, the big daddy, the God father, the Sam of all seasons. Upon his return from Germany, he built a hospital. Well, he built a church, which is a hospital of the souls.
But you see good people, churches are always confessions. What was so hard for people to read? Couldn’t people read into the confession? What do these Ugandans know about the diseases of the soul? Why would an American President stop all his important assignments just to make it to Rome? You see, the soul triumphs. And unfortunately for the diseases of the soul, no hospital has tried. You know that ka song? The one by Blanco and Justin Bieber. You get that ka line.
The one that haunts – ‘what if you had it all. But nobody to call? Maybe then you would know me. 'Cause I have had everything. But no one is listening. And that is just lonely…’ But how will Ugandans know? Because most of you, in a million lifetimes will never be this Sam. Forget it. The money is not coming. If it were to come, something would have converged after all those bu deals you have chappad. After all those bu receipts you have created out of thin air. But still, there you are, hoping that now you will make the next good bet with some new land deal. Not so my friend?
Have you ever seen Sevo in jeans?
The Katikiro was interviewed by Makona. Pause there. But people were disappointed. What happened to the iconic Makonic introduction? But you must also think ko. What would bring the big man to the show? Forget everything now. Imagine me saying my own ga-things. But remember Chinua Achebe. Whenever you see a toad jumping in broad daylight, then know that something is after its life. Then there was a foreshadowing, you know that photo where Mkay stood behind M7. That ka photo disturbed me. The energy was as if giving, as if not giving.
So again, I remembered Tomberg’s quote; “No, the post of the Emperor does not belong any longer either to those who desire it or to the choice of the people. It is reserved to the choice of heaven alone. It has become occult. And the crown, the sceptre, the throne, the coat-of-arms of the Emperor are to be found in the catacombs…in the catacombs – this means to say: under absolute protection.” But meanwhile people, mimi natafuta a photograph of M7 in jeans. Like has Mzee ever appeared in jeans anywhere? Is there evidence? Is there a photo? Does he disdain jeans? Did he think them for the bourgeoisie? Also has he ever had a french-cut? But i is the ka photo in jeans that I need.
Only Sheebah has ever loved a Ugandan man
I recently realised that Sheebah has been Uganda’s greatest female musician of the past decade. I am not claiming that she has the best voice. That would be an act of blasphemy. It would be defamation. Instead, I claim that she was full, she was whole. She was everything. And that crown, none had ever come close. Juliana? Maybe. But Juliana was a Princess, a royal out of reach. She cultivated presence with more mystery and absence. She was out of reach.
Sheebah’s greatness comes from one core thing – she is the only artiste who ever truly loved, desired and yearned for a Ugandan man. At least once in a man’s life, he should be loved the way Sheebah loved the men in her songs. Good people, there is love, but there was Sheebah’s love. The kind of love that transforms a cub into a lion, a boy into a man. Like Sheebah just has it. She is a goddess. It is the fullness of her femininity. Even in Silwana, you could tell she still had nothing but love for this player of a man. Have you chaps listened to Enyanda? ‘Wanyanula, wanzijaayo ku katandalo.’
And I do not know, Sheebah almost never defined a man by the material resources he brought on the table, it was about the capacity of the man’s heart. Again, go listen to Ekyama. Nga isn’t Sheebah assuring this man that he is the secret every baddie is seeking. Imagine a man hearing these words. How will he continue cheating? He will just contain himself. In these days when passion, soul, spirit, desire, when these have gotten extinguished, Sheebah epitomised these things. I am not saying that Sheebah cooks the best food, but kid you not, she had the aura, the presentation, the energy.
Listening to Kika Buka, she even assured us, that she was not getting off the love train until she saw some of her own blood spilling. It was never about Sheebah, it was about what the guy’s love always did to her. If you want to know how to love a man, go listen to Sheebah. Because beneath that façade of the bad girl, men found gold hidden in that vault. Naye now, I have also over-simped! Nkooye! Ka-girl was even already taken!
Most of you, in a million lifetimes will never be this Sam. Forget it. The money is not coming. If it were to come, something would have converged after all those bu deals you have chappad.
X: @OrtegaTalks
