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‘She set out to find me a wife but became the one’

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The couple’s Kuhingira (traditional marriage) took place at Ariho’s home in Nyamitanga on December 21, 2024, followed by their wedding reception at NIM Hotel in Nyamitanga, Mbarara City. PHOTO/RAJAB MUKOMBOZI

Umaru Kashaka and Hawa Ariho first met as students at Nyamitanga Muslim Primary School in Mbarara City, located in western Uganda. Years later, their lives would intersect again, leading to a blossoming romance

Umaru Kashaka and Hawa Ariho's journey began in the early 1990s when they were primary school students at Nyamitanga Muslim Primary School, where they were classmates from Primary Two to Primary Seven. After completing their primary education in 2000, they lost touch and went their separate ways. 

However, fate brought them together again in Kampala in 2015.

Umar recalls, "At school, we were not particularly close; she was best friends with my older sister, Aisha Nantume, who was also our classmate. After finishing primary school in 2000, I lost contact with her. Then, in 2015, I ran into her at the traffic lights on Jinja Road in Kampala. We exchanged a few memories of our school days, but since we were both in a hurry, we just exchanged contact details to stay in touch."

Their journey

Kashaka explains that after exchanging contact details, he and Ariho began communicating frequently. During their conversations, he eventually confided in her about his search for a wife and asked for her help in finding the right person.

“When we started talking regularly, I told Ariho I was looking for someone to marry and asked if she could help me find the right person. Each time I asked her if she had found someone suitable, she would reply, ‘Not yet.’ We spoke on the phone almost every day, and over time, I found myself falling in love with her. In the end, I realised she was the right person I had been searching for,” Kashaka explains.

Surprise proposal

Ariho was taken aback when Kashaka proposed to her, especially since she had initially been tasked with helping him find a suitable partner.

“It was in early 2016 when he proposed at his home in Kibuli, Kampala, during a visit I had made to see him. I was absolutely surprised because, despite asking me to help him find a partner, he chose me instead,” Ariho recalls.

After the proposal, Kashaka says their love grew stronger each day, and he could not wait any longer to marry her.

“I made it clear to her that I wanted to marry her because I did not want our courtship to drag on, especially since we had known each other for a long time. When I proposed, she was overjoyed and asked me to visit her parents, as is customary, which I did in February 2016. During that visit (kukyala), we held the Nikah, a traditional Islamic ceremony, and she moved in with me,” Kashaka explains.

Kashaka shares what attracted him to Hawa, particularly her natural beauty, friendly nature, and openness.

“It was her natural beauty that first struck me; she rarely wears makeup, and I admire that. I appreciate people who embrace their natural beauty and feel confident in their skin. My wife is also warm, friendly, and easy to like. If she chooses to love you, she does so wholeheartedly and unconditionally. For instance, ever since we fell in love, she started calling me ‘Honey,’ and that does not change whether she is unhappy with me or we have disagreed about something,” he adds.

Kashaka also mentions that he values her openness.

“When we started talking, she spoke openly about her previous relationship and the child she had from it. I admired her honesty. Her high standards of cleanliness also caught my eye. She would visit my modest home in Kisasa Zone, Kibuli, and clean it for me. She is also an excellent cook,” he says.

To Ariho, her husband is hardworking, brilliant, and funny. However, she notes that it took her a year to embrace the idea of marriage because she needed to get to know him better first.

“It took us one year to decide to get married after he proved to me that he would be a good husband and father to our children,” she recalls.

Parental disapproval

Kashaka shares that while his mother supported his decision and welcomed his future daughter-in-law, she had concerns about the speed with which he was handling the marriage process.

“My mother was happy with my decision and gave her blessing,” he explains. “However, she was not pleased with how quickly I was moving forward. For instance, she felt I had not given her or the family enough time to prepare for the kukyala. Looking back, I realise it would have been better to allow more time for the first visit to my fiancée’s parents, making it more meaningful and special.”

In contrast, Ariho’s parents were more accepting of the decision, particularly because Kashaka was a Muslim, which they believed would help the couple build a strong bond.

Wedding preparations

Before their marriage, the couple received premarital counselling from Ismail Mukwaya, Kashaka’s uncle, who lives in Nakasozi-Budo, Wakiso District.

“He emphasised key elements responsible for a healthy and lasting marriage, such as patience, compromise, understanding, and prayer,” Kashaka recalls.

While there were no formal wedding preparation meetings, Kashaka sought advice from friends to ensure everything went smoothly.

“I did not hold wedding meetings because I did not want to burden people with extra commitments, knowing that they could have been facing their challenges. Instead, I reached out to many of my friends for guidance and consulted widely,” he explains.

Best and worst moments

While the couple cherished their marriage ceremonies, the most joyous moment came with the arrival of their first child in 2017. However, their happiness was overshadowed by heartbreak when Ariho suffered a miscarriage.

"I cannot put into words the guilt and distress I felt after losing a baby in that way," Kashaka shares.

Advice

Ariho advises young people considering marriage to always prioritise Allah (God) in all aspects of their lives. She encourages couples to practice patience with one another, recognising that marriage comes with its share of ups and downs. She also emphasises the importance of mutual support, trust, and belief in each other, especially during challenging times.

Kashaka highlights the importance of thoroughly getting to know one another before committing to marriage, acknowledging that it has both its highs and lows. He advises couples to seek fulfilment within their relationships, understanding that marriage is unique to each couple and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to it.

Notable guests

The couple’s Kuhingira (traditional marriage) took place at Ariho’s home in Nyamitanga on December 21, 2024, followed by their wedding reception at NIM Hotel in Nyamitanga, Mbarara City. The events were attended by several notable guests, including Winnie Byanyima, the Executive Director of the Joint United Nations Programme on HIV/AIDS (UNAIDS); Naome Kabasharira, the Rushenyi County Member of Parliament; and Sheikh Abdul Mukwaya, the Mbarara District Khadi and elder brother to Kashaka.