A cure for serial heartbreak

What you need to know:

Do not enter any relationship with the hope of solving your problems

Are you one of those people that are always moaning about your bad luck in love? If your heart has been broken and mended so many times that it now has more patches than the original, then you do need to take a minute and read this article.  First of all, I would advise that you take time to do some thorough stock taking before getting back on that runaway horse.

Secondly, there is nothing wrong with you, you just happened to get the wrong side of the stick and fortunately, that can be changed. For you to turn things around, here is what you are probably doing wrong and what you can do to make things right.

Punching above your weight

There are people who seem to think that they can change their status either materially or socially by relating with those above their own station in life. In other words, they are social climbers. There is nothing wrong with anyone wanting to better their lives. In fact, this upward movement is the way societies advance. However, if the only reason you decide to date someone is because they provide the possibility of your own social and economic advancement, the truth is, you will be miserable.

First, this will be a partnership of inequality. The social climber will forever try to catch up with their partner. They will find themselves always having to prove themselves, which definitely creates resentment and ultimately, frustration. The one of higher status will always have that unfair advantage that if not watched, can result in some form of abuse. This is a situation that can be solved by dating people in your or slightly above your station. People with whom you have things in common.

Punching below your weight

 It is equally disadvantageous to date way below your status. If you want to discuss the merits and demerits of the First World War reparation that Germany was forced to pay and why these could have led to the Second World War and your partner does not know that there were such wars, your ship is heading straight for an iceberg. To steer your ship safely to the shores, look for people with a shared background. People who will not find your lifestyle and life perception irritatingly snobbish.

You keep on falling

We all have that friend who is perpetually falling in and out of love. It is amazing how they always manage to find partners and even more amazing how fast they lose them. It is understandable for a teenager who is at the mercy of hormones to experience crushes, but there is a certain age when this becomes unseemly and problematic. 

I once read somewhere that if you see an outfit or shoes you think you love, do not buy them immediately but rather, come the following day and if you still feel the same way about the item, take it home. If such care is required when choosing a dispensable item such as an outfit, why not use the same wisdom when choosing a partner? 

The sayings that all that glitters is not gold and wisdom can be found in a shabby coat are all true. Take time to study that person you are dating before you jump in with both feet.

Using dating as therapy

Some people feel the need to have someone because they do not like their own company. You honestly cannot give what you do not have. If you cannot love yourself, how will you be able to love someone else? First, take time to understand and appreciate who you are or else you will be expecting to get that from the relationship which will ultimately strain it and lead to its demise.  If you are insecure about your body and its abilities, you will be quick to see the other’s faults or get defensive about your own faults when they are pointed out. This is usually the beginning of disagreements. If you cannot stand loneliness or rejection, you will be clingy and jealous, which will all be a turn off.

Do not enter any relationship with the hope of solving any of your problems; be they emotional, material or social. In fact, in such a relationship, you will get a double portion of all that you are running away from including frustration, loneliness and self-pity. Save yourself and your partner by putting your house in order before inviting guests in it.

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