My husband and I have been married for five years and have lived in Kampala. About a year ago, he volunteered at a traditional herbalist’s shrine deep in the village every weekend. At first, I admired his passion for culture and healing. But now, he returns home with strange rituals, burning herbs at midnight, chanting, and sprinkling concoctions around the house. He insists it is for “cleansing and protection.” Our neighbours are growing suspicious, and so am I.
I fear it might be spiritual manipulation or even witchcraft. When I raise concerns, he becomes defensive and says I do not respect our heritage. I love him, but I feel unsafe and confused in my home. I have started sleeping in a separate room, and intimacy has vanished. Is it right to question his beliefs? Or am I losing my marriage over cultural misunderstandings?
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
There is no doubt that all is not well in your relationship. The very fact that you have taken the step to write to us is a clear indication that deep down, you sense that things are not moving in a healthy direction. From your description of your husband’s actions, it is evident that you are uncomfortable and disturbed. If we were to look at the situation objectively, there appears to be more than just unusual behaviour; there may be a spiritual or even supernatural dimension to what is going on.
You mention that your husband engages in activities such as chanting at night and sprinkling concoctions around the house. While it is possible to interpret these actions as rooted in cultural heritage or traditional practices, they are difficult to separate from spiritual or mystical undertones, especially in an African context where culture and spirituality are often intertwined. Your concern is understandable, particularly if these activities go against your personal beliefs or values.
You did not say explicitly whether you are religious (Christian, Muslim, or otherwise), but the concern you have expressed may suggest that you have a spiritual or religious foundation that is being challenged by your husband’s conduct. If your beliefs are being disregarded or even violated by what he is doing, then this becomes more than just a personal disagreement; it is a fundamental conflict of values. This kind of divergence is significant. You have mentioned that there is no longer intimacy in your marriage and that you no longer share a bed. This points to a growing emotional and physical distance that could, if not addressed, lead to the collapse of your relationship. Sadly, you also do not indicate whether your husband is religious in any conventional sense, whether he goes to church, mosque, or any place of worship.
That information would be helpful in understanding whether his actions are guided by some spiritual authority or belief system that could be openly discussed and challenged. In such situations, mediation may be necessary. If your husband has a place of worship, that might be a place to seek guidance or intervention from a spiritual leader. Religious or community leaders are often experienced in handling such sensitive matters and may help bridge the gap between your differing views.
Given the gravity of the issue, it might also be worth involving trusted members of your extended family on both sides. Often, families can offer perspective, wisdom, and influence that may help initiate a meaningful dialogue. When emotions are high and communication is strained, a third party may help bring calmness and clarity to the discussion.
Do not ignore your intuition. If your spirit is troubled and you feel genuinely unsafe, emotionally, spiritually, or even physically, take those feelings seriously. Your well-being and that of your family must come first. Ask yourself some hard questions: If the roles were reversed and you were the one carrying out the practices he is now doing, how would he react? Would he be accommodating? Would he remain silent?
If, after careful reflection and even external counsel, you conclude that your husband’s actions are not just cultural but are indeed linked to witchcraft or spiritual practices that you find threatening or morally unacceptable, you have a critical decision to make. Are you willing, or even able, to live under such conditions? Will you submit to beliefs you do not hold simply to preserve the family unit?
At the heart of the matter is your peace of mind, your spiritual safety, and the future of your household. These are not small considerations. Take time to reflect deeply, and surround yourself with wise counsel. And above all, do not dismiss your fears, they are valid and deserve to be addressed.
READER ADVICE
Pray and fast
Harriet Sheryl. Show me your friend, and I will tell you your character. The witch he chose to associate with has infected him too, which is so unfortunate. Please begin serious prayer and fasting; only God can intervene and bring him back from the path he has taken. There is nothing you can do on your own to stop him.
This is witchcraft
Martha Zion. It is time to engage in serious spiritual warfare. Do not take this lightly, your husband is involved in outright witchcraft. May God lead you to a faithful servant to stand with you. Stand firm, pray fervently, and trust God to expose darkness and bring deliverance. Victory is yours in Christ.
Have an honest talk
Denis Mubiru. As a traditional healer, I urge husbands never to force rituals on their wives. We are taught to explain, educate, and involve the family, not isolate or instil fear. Burning herbs or chanting in secrecy can easily be misinterpreted. Remind him that love means walking together, not one in the light and the other in the dark.
Trust your instincts
Gloria Achan. Culture is powerful, but when used without consent, it becomes manipulation. I once helped a student whose stepmother sprinkled strange mixtures in her bed. The girl became traumatised. Please, dear sister, trust your instincts. If the rituals make you feel unsafe, they probably are. Seek advice from someone spiritually grounded, a priest, elder, or trusted counsellor.
Draw boundaries
Robert Hairu. My wife and I are born-again Christians, though we come from families with deep traditional roots. Early in our marriage, we agreed to draw clear boundaries. I told her, ‘Let us honour culture, but not at the cost of our home’s peace.’ If your husband values your marriage, he should be willing to compromise.
Where there is fire...
Grace Nakityo. My ex used to burn things and whisper strange words at night. I kept quiet for too long, afraid of being judged. But when my child started falling sick constantly, I knew I had to leave. Do not ignore the signs.
Demand honesty
Sulaiman Mugo. I respect culture deeply as a man. But any spiritual practice that brings fear into your partner is not one of peace. If your husband truly loves you, he should make you feel safe. Culture should unite, not divide. Talk to him when he is calm, and if he shuts you out, seek help from his clan or spiritual elders.
Involve his family
Lydia Musoke My husband started following a traditional healer three years ago. At first, I thought it was just harmless herbs. But then he began accusing me of bringing ‘evil energy’ into our home. I had to involve his family elders to mediate.
VALUES AND BELIEFS
There will be differences and disagreements within a marriage, but some differences are too significant to ignore, such as core values and beliefs.
One spouse may have one religion, and the other may have a different belief. The only solutions to conflicts arising from different values are communication and compromise.
