Dealing with the death of a loved one 

Emily Murungi, 28, is a mother of one who lost her husband to sickle cell anaemia. Having known him almost all her life, she could not help but cling to his memory. To this day, photos of him holding their nearly one-year-old daughter still grace her social media pages.

“We met at Kampala Parents Primary School and he almost landed me in trouble. He put a love note in my shoes without my knowledge and later at home, my father found it. Thankfully, I entered the room just as he was about to read it,” she says.
At the time of his death, Emily says, they were planning their wedding after a successful traditional ceremony. 

“I conceived while our first child was only four months old and unfortunately lost the unborn child due to stress. At the time, I was taking care of my husband whose organs had started shutting down,” she says.

To cope, she has enrolled her daughter for biking classes, which was her father’s favourite sport. Emily has also started a non-profit organisation to mitigate stigmatisation among sickle cell patients in memory of her late husband.

Janet Bulya Nsamba, an administrator at Blessed Vineyard Wives, a ministry that focuses on ensuring that young marriages thrive, gives tips on how best one can deal with the loss of a loved one.

Acceptance
Nsamba says many times, it is common for the remaining partner to live in denial, especially when they are not ready to let go or accept the loss. She adds that those dealing with loss need to accept the pain and emotions that come with it. 

“Avoid suppressing the emotions and feel free to express them through crying. Being able to recognise that everyone suffers loss and the fact that we all go through the healing process differently is comforting,’’ she says.

Talk about it
Unfortunately, since her trust has been abused before, Emily is not comfortable with talking to friends about her late husband. However, Nsamba encourages open communication of feelings with a trusted person, most preferably a stranger, as they have no expectations or clouded judgement. 

Self care
Nsamba encourages affected persons to reward themselves. “Exercise and eat healthy as these come with healing abilities for the body and soul,” she says, adding that one should engage in activities that help them to ease tension and create relaxation. She discourages the use of alcohol or drugs to drown one’s sorrow since this may lead to abuse of the substance and in the long run, addiction. 

Get busy
According to Nsamba, whatever activity keeps your brain busy is helpful. Murungi loves travelling and this time away helps her to meditate and come up with ways to cope. 

“I love travelling to quiet, relaxing places where I can spend time with my daughter,” she says. Nsamba advises the grieving party to stay close to their loved ones, make social appearances as well as immersing oneself into work. She says these will suppress negative emotions and release relaxation hormones in the body.

Handling property
Usually, while one is going through grief they may not know what to do with their loved one’s photos, clothing or home space. In most cases, one may just get rid of them. 

Nsamba, however, advises that sorting a loved ones’ belongings may provide some kind of closure but this should be done with the help of someone you trust. 
“Some belongings may create positive memories and this kind should be kept,” she advises.

Find new hobbies
Grief can lead you to question life itself or your purpose in this world. The best way to overcome this? Start by getting a new hobby. Not just one, but a few. Try out something that you have never done before such as learning how to play an instrument, pick up reading or journaling  
When you are wondering how to cope with the death of a loved one, finding things to do keeps you busy and occupies your mind so you are not drowning in your own thoughts.