The key is to listen to your partner with an open mind and try understanding their perspective without immediately jumping to counter their points. Photo/silentbeads.com
I am worried about my husband, Patrick. He is 47 and has been complaining about frequent urination at night and occasional pain in his lower abdomen. I suggested he see a doctor for a prostate cancer screening, but he refused. He says he is too young for such tests and finds the idea embarrassing. I have tried to explain how important early detection is, but he brushes me off, saying I am overreacting. This has started to cause tension between us because I feel like he is not taking his health seriously, and I am scared something might happen to him. How can I convince him to go for the test without damaging our relationship? Rebecca
Dear Rebecca,
It is understandable to be concerned about your husband’s health. However it is also good to know that this is also a sensitive matter. Here are a few ideas to consider while trying to convince your husband to go for the test without hurting your relationship.
Let the conversation be geared towards offering support by maybe suggesting to go with him to the Doctor. This will suggest to him that you are not coercing him but instead you are together through the whole process.
Emphasize the benefits of early detection instead of risks of him not getting screened. Share information surrounding the importance of early detection especially it being treatable if detected in early stages.
Be patient with your husband. It may take some time for your husband to come around as some tests need first processing the whole idea in the mind. Remember empathy is the basic ingredient in situations such as this which involve medical decisions.
Remember not to make it a personal attack by using ultimatums and threats such as, “if you refuse and get sick I will…..”Such strong language will only make him more resistant to treatment.
Understand from his perspective .It is important to acknowledge your husband’s concerns about the screening process and how embarrassing it can be. From a male point of view, the health seeking behavior is low and therefore the need to be a strong pillar in his support system.
Above all, remember you cannot force yourself to go for prostate cancer screening. You can only advise but the decision is entirely his. However, having open conversations that are nonjudgmental can lead to him making an informed decision about his health.
Ms Kharono works with Sermotherapy Counseling Foundation
