Differences should never cause division

Instead of seeking revenge and mockery, spouses need to look for better ways of confronting the issues that are likely to divide them. PHOTO | COURTESY

Family disagreements are common between spouses, parents and their children. Disagreements may range from social affairs, science or home affairs. Someone once said, where two or three gather, a conflict is waiting to happen. For example, when family members disagree about politics, it can lead to emotional bruising through their exchanges, words and tone used and non-verbal actions.

 Although the unity of a home or nation should be of greater concern, we tend to be consumed more by what divides than what unites us. My view is that it is okay to see things differently, but this should not diminish the value and respect we have for each other.

Learning to appreciate your partner’s uniqueness and perspective enables your partner in return to respect you and the part you play in the relationship. We were never created to have uniform approach in life or play similar roles in the relationship. In fact, it is our diversity that brings a spark to the relationship. We have to appreciate that, unity should never be equated to sameness.


Ideally, in any relationship, either spouse must see their uniqueness as a treasure that helps them play a complimentary but important role and not opposition. This brings to question many questions we might ask ourselves:

“How do I acknowledge and value my spouse’s views and perspective of various issues such as money, parenting or even politics?”  Such acknowledgement affirms them. In relationships, embracing diversity compliments and enhances our unity and productivity. 

Differences aside

By putting their differences aside, couples are able to build healthy perspectives on any issue without losing sight of what was important; their marriage and family.

Choosing a healthy view on issues that could divide a couple enriches the relationship greatly.  This often calls for either spouse to resist the urge to mock or be a hypocrite and instead, be frank and sincere.

The tough one here is learning to truly care and empathise with your partner’s feelings even when it hurts you to do so.  Bonds are strengthened where we make sacrifices for each other. Instead of seeking revenge and mockery, spouses need to look for better ways of confronting the issues that are likely to divide them.

To embrace diversity while at the same time remaining undivided starts with avoiding self-centred attitude. We need to be a people who do nothing out of selfish ambition but instead value others above ourselves. Get to a place in relationship where your spouse, children and friends in general feel valued because you are willing to listen to them.

Mature enough

In addition, we must be mature enough to celebrate with those who succeed and empathise with others who are going through regret and disappointment.

When unity is without duplicity, we are able to focus on corporate rather than individual gain. In the end we will be more experienced in making smarter decisions. Here are some practical ways to defend marital unity:

Qualify your sources of information. Remember, garbage in, garbage out. What we listen/read will influence how we think and make decisions,

Learn to talk life instead of negativity. Test your motives as you share information or opinions. Are you genuine or do you intend to manipulate the receiver of the information?