Do you think I am bewitched?

I do not know whether I am bewitched or if it is just psychological. I have been married for five years now but every time I get myself a ‘sido’ (side partner) I barely get an erection. However, I fully function when I’m back home my wife does not need to do anything for us to get intimate. What could be the problem? Anonymous

Dear anonymous,

Thank you for your boldness. This might be a silent issue for some other people and so you could have asked on behalf of others too.

We all have different belief systems that are also influenced by culture, religion and the environment.  These belief systems help to give us structure in life for instance, Christianity teaches people to practise fidelity as a way of keeping pure.

Depending on where you were raised and who was present in your earliest life, it is possible that what was modelled to you is an exclusive relationship.

Due to peer pressure, you might want to explore what it looks like to be in an inclusive relationship. This should be ideal as it also saves you from other risks such as STDs and HIV.  It is difficult to measure witchcraft in Psychology since it is not evidence-based but like I said if you believe that when bad things befall you it means you have been bewitched then this too is a belief system that is deep-rooted within you.

Remember, sex does not just happen out of the blue. It starts from your mind, what you think and fantasise about will also affect performance.

You know it is not right

If you know that an extramarital relationship or “sido” as you called it, is against what you believe in or what you were taught, then you are putting your mind into a battle.

The unconscious mind might push you to go in that direction but within you, you know it is not right.

When you remember the person that you are, you might immediately fail to perform sexually when you are in an extramarital relationship.

I do not know what you exactly want from an extramarital relationship, it would be good to set aside time and do introspection. Ask yourself what you are benefitting from this “sido”.

Does it give you more peace?

Then choose wisely the most appropriate decision to make.  It is also easy to start with one extramarital affair and you end up with more and at the end of it all, you get disorganised.

Lastly, if you feel you need to improve your official relationship, then start afresh with your wife, try a vacation together so that you will concentrate on one.

Reader advice

Enjoy your wife’s company -Taliwo Wajje

It means you are psychologically contented with your wife. Mind you, cheating is abuse of trust and prohibited Biblically. So just enjoy your wife’s company and happiness

Avoid problems - Marcus Kinyera

If you choose someone because you love that person, there is no need to cheat. Besides, you get a lot of blessings and avoid problems that may arise because of this cheating thing.

Respect yourself - Blessed Jacob

You have not grown up yet or if you are indeed grown up, you have not discovered why men marry.  If you did (discover why men marry), you are not yet ready because marriage is a sacrificial journey. You do not mess around by sleeping with your sido and you expect God to be happy with you while your wife is at home very innocent by waiting for you to return home in good health!

Respect yourself, grow up and change your attitude.

These are the types of men who don’t allow other men to admire marriages from others.

You love your wife so much - Jacob Kwesiga Gatasha

It’s not witchcraft bro. You love your wife so much (which is good) and you are just trying to tie yourself on cheating of which you have no capability to cheat.

God at work - Perpetual Atuhaire

God at work. No problem. A prayerful woman always wins battles.

You are going to die in shame - Anette Joel

You are cursed and that is a punishment from God. People get different punishments. Actually you do not need a wife, all you need is to stay single so that you can sleep with every woman you want or else you might infect the innocent woman at home with many infections including HIV/Aids.

By the way, you are gonna die young, in shame and in pain. Bravo to all men out there who are real and strong, who keep their gentleness, dignity and stick to their wives without sleeping with prostitutes, every skirt, dress around . So strong and gentle and so blessed.

You’re the reason we’re single - Evelyn Hope Amee

You deserve what is happening to you and more! Men like you are the reason good women like us are single parents and lonely.

Ms Kharono is a counselling Psychologist at Sermotherapy Counselling Foundation.