Don’ t rush into a relationship with a friend

Depending on how you look at it or how it is navigated, falling in love with a friend can be an either very rewarding or very sticky situation. 

We do not choose where or who we love. It sneaks up on us and surprises us. Sometimes it can be your very own close personal friend who may seem like one of the homies today and you may have googly eyes for them the next, wild right? But it happens. 

I thank God that this is not a position I have had the displeasure of enduring and I continue to pray that in this lifetime and the next (should there be more), it does not occur. 

Of course we all want to fall in love with someone that completes us, understands us and all the great trappings that come with companionship and majority of us have “they should be my friend” at the top of our lists.

Often, we are grounded due to lack of exposure and the only people around us are those in our circle so we start to romanticise them and create scenarios in our heads that may seem a lot like love. 

Personally speaking, I value and uphold true platonic friendships. We live in a time where they are extremely hard to come by and the moment that glass ceiling is broken, something is irreparable. Your friendship loses its innocence when romance and all its baggage enter the conversation.
 
That being just personal opinion, I have also heard of success stories where people that were once extremely close friends enter romantic involvement and it is extremely successful. 

But those I must add, are few and far between. 
When I talk about being in love with someone that is a friend, I am talking about meeting someone and giving yourself time to establish a friendship with the intention of getting romantically involved.

 But when two people are extremely close as friends prior and one or both start to experience feelings other than those of a platonic friendship, that is where complication comes in. 
Hollywood has embellished this particular situation, painted every picture of a happy ending. Someone is in love with their friend and the friend is seeing someone else but they later realise that they were meant for each other and live happily ever after. This is the plot for the movies My Best Friend’s Wedding and Made of Honour, just to mention but a few. 

This notion, however, is completely misleading. The happy ending does not come that way. You have more to lose than you do to gain.

 Most times, feelings are not reciprocated, feelings are hurt and you are left having lost the opportunity at a relationship and a friendship of which the two combined can be too catastrophic a loss to deal with at a go.

My best advice would be for you not to act upon those feelings. If you value that friendship that has probably taken years to cultivate, leave your feelings behind. 

Take time off from each other if it might help for you to get over how you feel and come back to your friendship at a later date to salvage what’s left of it. Make sure you have communicated to your friend why you are taking time off in as much or as little detail as you would like.

Intentionally and objectively evaluate those feelings to clarify within yourself what you are feeling. Ask yourself the hard questions, should your friend know about this? Are they feeling the same way? 

Are you prepared to emotionally cope with them not being reciprocated? What is your next course of action? 

One wise strategy is to write down your feelings, weigh the pros and cons about being in love with your friend. Does the good outweigh the bad? Is it worth losing a friendship over some butterflies you may feel? Could it be purely infatuation? Lust? Or is what you are feeling something far deeper than that. 

Like the movies, you may take the leap and tell your friend that you are in love with them and risk them not feeling the same, thereby creating tension and awkwardness. There is a risk of losing that person as a friend or luck may be in your corner and they might feel the same. 

I am of the view that you are better off, fighting and dealing with these feelings. Then moving on to someone completely new and building a lasting and formidable friendship prior to exclusivity. Grab a hold of that friendship and don’t let it go. Safeguard your heart and theirs from heartbreak and explore new romantic opportunities to build friendships in.  
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