Even never is an option in relationships

Thursday January 28 2021

Angella Nampewo

By Angella Nampewo

Many wise people have said in the past “opportunity knocks once and you are doomed if you miss it.” And if you happen to be a woman and there are biological clocks to worry about, then you are supposed to be even extra careful about how you handle these opportunities in love. Love in itself is a tricky subject, sometimes, especially when you are younger, you wonder, how am I supposed to know that this is the one golden opportunity to be clutched at all costs?

There was this famous belief back in my university days, before the days of sugar daddies and when fun was relatively clean and inexpensive, that one was supposed to hook the man they would eventually marry by their third year of study and if you were the absent-minded kind who somehow managed to go through three years in this jungle filled with men and somehow had not found one of your own, you were doomed, for life.

    I have come to ponder the “what ifs” of the relationship world and one of the biggest questions is, what if in the midst of this sea of suitors, one is just not ready? How does one know they are not ready now or that they will not be for a long time? One of the most memorable pieces of advice I have received about relationships is that there is no one size fits all and this applies to the timing as well. In fact, as I have been told, it is even alright if that time is never. If you feel that you could do better as a singleton; that too, is an option. So it could be that you feel ready at 20, 30, 40, 50...it is all up to you. As an unconventional creature, this could be the best thing I have heard and at the time of receiving that advice, I breathed a sigh of relief. After years of being bombarded with questions of “when are you bringing the man home?” someone was telling me that never was an option and I could now roll my eyes in my head at the questions, comfortable in the knowledge that if I did not feel like it, I didn’t have to be in a relationship. I did not have to do anything about it and I did not have to go on dates or anything. I could stay home and watch TV without feeling like my ship was out there sailing away without me. Sometimes one is too young, too busy, too wounded or simply uninterested. These and more are all valid reasons not to be in a relationship. In fact the worst thing might be to be pressured into a relationship when you really have nothing to offer yet or you are in the wrong frame of mind. If it starts with the wrong motivation, it never ends well.

     A relationship where both parties are willing and ready to live the life and do the work, is the ultimate goal but if this thing is happening with the wrong person or at the wrong time, relax and remember that there is no deadline and while some people may appear to be counting, their calculations have nothing to do with you and you do not have to live by someone else’s timeline.

    When it is finally right, you will know it in your heart. It will feel right and you will be comfortable enough to be part of a relationship. It may seem cliché but before that happens, take time to live your life. Be happy in your own company before you seek someone else’s. When he or she finally comes along, they will be an addition to your life, rather than the prize that you won.  In the meantime, do not worry, the relationship train is not leaving you behind. You can catch it at the next station.