During courtship, usually, the man’s intention is to impress their partner in order to win her heart. This is why a man will go out of his way to take the woman on dates and buy them expensive gifts. However, when courtship ends in marriage, then a woman is expected to return the favour by taking care of her husband.
Ayisha Nagudi Okot, a banker, says a lot has changed since she married her husband, Patrick Obalim Okot, a businessman, on September 3, 2016.
“After giving birth to our twin boys who are now 18 months, everything changed. Before, I had so much time on my hands and would do everything for my husband. Now, I found myself concentrating mainly on the children,” she says.
Before and after
During the dating period, Ayisha says she was always the apple of Okot’s eye.
“He enjoyed pampering me with gifts and taking me out on dates,” she says.
When they eventually got married, Ayisha says it was her turn now to take care of her husband by preparing his meals and ironing his clothes, among other responsibilities. She admits that performing these duties was not a problem until they had children.
“For the first three months, the twins took up most of my time. Even in the night, I would spend most of my time with them because I knew that they needed constant attention,” she says.
However, Ayisha realised that she was now more focused on the children, totally forgetting her husband.
“I immediately started making him a priority again. I knew that if I kept neglecting him, it would create complications in our marriage,” she says.
“I started preparing his meals, serving him food, ironing his clothes and polishing his shoes, among other things. These may seem like small things but I knew how important they were to him. Every time I do something for him, he is very appreciative,” she adds.
So, how does she divide her time? “I wake up early and do some chores including washing my children’s clothes and making breakfast. I then get ready and head to work. At the weekend, I prepare meals for the family, iron my husband’s clothes, play with the children as well as accomplishing any other pending activities,” Ayisha says.
Although the couple have a maid, Ayisha believes that a wife should not neglect her home and leave all responsibility to the maid. She says it is a wife’s responsibility to take care of her husband and children and the maid comes in just to help when the wife is unavailable, say when they have gone to work.
Okot agrees that a lot has changed since children came into the picture. “I have been inspired to work harder and make better life decisions,” he says, adding that marriage is the best thing that has happened to him and he is enjoying every minute of it.
So, what does he love most about Nagudi? Okot says their house is a home because of his wife’s kind-heartedness.
“You can have a beautiful wife and children but without anyone visiting your home. I love Ayisha because just like me, she is a people person and enjoys inviting them to our home. We may not have the money to frequently entertain visitors, but we love when people visit for different reasons,” Okot says.
Patrick and Ayisha first crossed paths on April 8, 2014. At the time, he had gone to a drycleaner’s at Forest Mall, Lugogo, Kampala. When he got out of his car, Ayisha, who was chatting with a friend nearby could not help but stare.
“I had to nudge my friend to have a look at this tall, handsome man,” she says.
A few minutes later, while Ayisha answered a call outside, they bumped into each other and exchanged greetings. She was on the call for about 30 minutes but the moment she hang up, she noticed the tall man walking towards her. He greeted her again and asked for her phone number, which she wrote down for him. Later, he called asking her out for coffee.
“I remember hanging up on him, saying I would not give the impression that I was easy to get,” she says.
Almost three months later, Patrick called Ayisha again and this time around, she agreed to the coffee date. During their interaction, he discovered that Ayisha was a teacher, a plus for him since, he says, he had always wanted to marry a teacher.
One date turned into many more and after two years of courtship, the couple got married on September 3, 2016.
Patrick advises men to be honest with the person they are dating.
“Do not try to be someone you are not because when you lie, those lies will eventually catch up with you. A person meant for you will love you for who you are. Those who walk away were not meant to be in your life,” he says. He adds that women who wait for the perfect man should know that they do not exist.