He never cheated and that freaked me out

What you need to know:

But after four years, she realised he had never talked about any other girls, not even those at his office or sisters

‘So why did you break up with him?’ the loudest of the three girls asked her friend with the red oval glasses that covered almost half her face.

I waited for the, ‘I caught him with my best friend’ answer. I also expected something like ‘he was a dog, just like all men are.’

Red Oval Glasses surprised me, and I guess her friends too, when she said that at no point did her boyfriend cheat on her during their four years of ‘wonderful friendship and happiness’.

“And although it felt like we were in heaven, his loyalty was a no for me,” she said. There was a deafening silence.

Then she said, “He was my first everything. We met at campus and that made him my first boyfriend. My first kiss was with him and so were the other first, first things. Basically it was love at first sight.”

But after four years, she realised he had never talked about any other girls, not even those at his office or sisters. She had checked his phones and read his emails in and out and had never seen anything suspicious.

She had also been told by some guys that some girls at his work place kept giving him gifts that he outrightly rejects. He would rather go back to her every night and this worried her.

“I mean what kind of man is he?” Red Oval Glasses asked her now puzzled friend. “I deserve a man. He was never one.”

“So what is considered cheating?” her friends asked.

Some people will just get mad that their partners had the intention to cheat, forgetting the fact that they never went ahead with the plan to pursue sex outside their relationship. These are the majority.

That they found a raunchy photo of another woman in your phone trashcan or a message from six years ago that you forgot to delete from messenger is enough proof of cheating.

“Intention” they will say, “otherwise why did she send you nudes even though you are insisting you deleted them and even blocked the girl?”

Then they will start second guessing you, which is often emotionally draining.

For others, there has to be proof of intimacy; touching, kissing or sex. They will stalk you, and the other party until they are sure that you have taken them out on dates and midafternoon rendezvous at a lodge near the office.

Then they will remind you how they have never cheated, let alone considered doing so.

“Kale, there are other men that I find more attractive than you. Some have even offered to take me out on dates and I have been in positions where I could have just kissed them, or even slept with them. But I have always come back to you,” they will scream and threaten to walk out.

Others do walk out and for the right reasons.

For Red Oval Glasses and many more unsettled species like her, the most important goal should be to trust your man because this is one of the basic requirements for any relationship to last.


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