I am a well-educated 36-year-old single mother. I have failed to find a man who is comfortable with my level of education and intelligence. I tend to fall for men who are intelligent but unfortunately, all of them are married. I have tried dating sites but men here just want to meet women for sex. I am looking for tips on how to find a single, confident man who is ready for a serious relationship. Caroline.
Being well educated and intelligent is a plus for you as a woman today, however, it should not necessarily limit you from finding love.
When it comes to class knowledge, it empowers you as an individual, what is now most important for you as you interact with people is emotional intelligence which includes self-awareness and being aware of how other people feel.
This will enable you to even relate better and widen the scope a little away from only those with a high IQ.
It is also important to have values, which we look for in a mate as this enables you to own up to your decision of the one you finally settle down with.
Usually, in their 30’s most of your male age mates are either married or in a relationship and, therefore, it is good for you to put this at the back of your mind such that you modify some of your expectations.
At this time, you might want more in a partner than just a fancy car or good looks as you could have wished in your twenties. Come up with a list of negotiables and non-negotiables when it comes to finding your prince charming.
Some of the non-negotiables include things you expect whole heartedly and without exception in your life mate. Be clear about what you want by learning from your past relationships, especially those that could not have gone so well.
These can help you figure out exactly what you want in a particular partner. Focus on inner traits. Of course you want to be attracted to a good looking man but at the end of the day what really matters are those inner attributes such as honesty and responsibility, among others.
Do an inner reflection because we usually attract the things that we think about. In this case, if you are preoccupied with thoughts such as men fear well educated women, even your behaviour will show during dating by either being anxious or losing hope just from the start.
You should, therefore, focus attention and energy on the good characteristics you are looking for and then you will start noticing single men who have those traits everywhere you go.
This sounds bold but it is good for your intentions to be known from the start to avoid wasting your time and getting emotionally attached to someone who will never be the one.
If your goal is to get married, settle down and start a family, do not be afraid to ask about the intention of the relationship. Avoid putting yourself on pressure.
Dating in your 30’s can come with a sense of urgency to have everything figured out and the clock ticking mentality that puts so much pressure on every single encounter can throw you into panic and you end up settling for anyone.
Avoid focusing on your age since love has no expiry date. Just do the right things such as meeting new people off line because this is one way of meeting your match. There is no magical place with single people.
Try not to show desperacy with a new date as this puts you in a vulnerable state. Lower your expectations and do not go around searching for a perfect person because no human being is perfect.
Last but not least, work on your social skills and boost your confidence because as human beings, we are social creatures meant to be around each other.
Evelyn C Kharono Lufafa
Counseling Psychologist Sermo Therapy Consult