How can I cope with the pain of losing my partner to suicide?

I lost my partner to suicide, and ever since, I have been carrying my grief alone. I have tried to stay strong, but it is becoming overwhelming and it is affecting my emotions, work, and even my ability to connect with others. I feel lost, guilty, and unsure of how to move forward without them. How can I process this pain without feeling like I am betraying their memory? Anonymous

Dear Sarah,

Losing someone to suicide is an incredibly painful and complex experience, bringing a unique grief that feels deeply personal, isolating, and often silent. Unlike other types of loss, suicide grief often carries stigma, unspoken pain, and unanswered questions. It can evoke emotions such as sadness, guilt, anger, regret, and confusion. Grieving and coping with suicide loss takes time, self-compassion, support, and is essential for healing.

Grief requires vulnerability, not strength. When you try to be strong, you are attempting to fix the unfixable, which does not work. We do not fix grief, we go through it and process it, eventually finding healing. Suppressing or avoiding grief does not make it go away; it only pushes the pain deeper and delays healing. Grieving helps you integrate the loss into your life, without being stuck in suffering.

Allowing yourself to grieve helps you find meaning and acceptance. You may never fully understand why your partner chose to end their life, and that is okay. Grieving allows you to come to terms with the unanswered questions and accept what cannot be changed. Healing does not mean forgetting but learning to carry their memory in a way that no longer causes constant pain.

You can cope with the pain by processing the complicated emotions that accompany suicide loss such as sadness, guilt, blame, regret, and anger. Unprocessed grief can manifest as anxiety, depression, or even physical illness. You may wonder if you could have done more or feel anger toward your loved one for leaving. Processing your emotions allows you to acknowledge and work through the pain, instead of being consumed by it.

Avoid isolation, even though it may seem easier. Grieving openly through talking, journaling, or joining support groups, helps you connect with others who understand. Grieving honours your loved one’s life, not just their death, because they were more than how they died.

Take care of yourself since grief can take a toll on your body and mind. Eat well, rest, sleep and engage in acts of self-care. Find healthy outlets for your emotions in writing, art, music, exercise, or walks. Grieving lets you remember the good times, your partner’s love, and the positive impact they had on your life. It allows you to celebrate their life, rather than focusing only on their passing.

Take your time to grieve; be kind to yourself. Grief has no timeline. Allow yourself to feel, heal, and move forward at your own pace. Be patient with yourself, as healing is not linear. Some days will be harder than others, and that is okay. Give yourself grace, because grief evolves, but the love you have for your partner will always remain.

Seek professional support from a grief therapist to guide you through this journey. Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or join a survivors of suicide loss support group. Connecting with others who have experienced similar loss can be incredibly healing.

You will not be betraying your partner by continuing to live and processing your pain in ways that aid your healing. By carrying their memory with love rather than pain, you honour them. They were more than how they left; they were the moments, the laughter, the love, and the connection you shared.

READER ADVICE

Get help from others
Sarah Awino. It is easy to feel isolated after such a loss, but connecting with others who share similar struggles can make you feel seen and supported. Sharing your grief in a safe environment allows you to process emotions that may be difficult to express elsewhere, and it helps reduce the feeling that you have to stay strong all the time. It is okay to lean on others.

Talk to a therapist

Dr Emily Mukasa. A therapist can help you unpack these feelings without judgment and guide you in understanding that it is okay to grieve at your own pace. They can help you work through complex emotions such as survivor’s guilt and confusion about your partner’s death, which may make it harder for you to heal.
With professional support, you can begin to rebuild your emotional strength and find peace, even in the face of tragedy.

Lean on family
James Woods. Grief can feel overwhelmingly isolating, but reaching out to friends or family, even if you feel like you are burdening them, can provide immense relief. Healing does not happen in isolation, and there is no shame in needing support during such a difficult time.

Seek spiritual guidance
Fr John Musisi. It can be helpful to lean on your faith or spiritual practices for guidance during this painful time. Many people find comfort in the idea that their loved one would want them to heal, and that carrying on does not mean forgetting them. Your partner’s memory will always be a part of you, and in time, you can learn how to honour them while still allowing yourself to heal and grow. Spiritual guidance can help you reconcile these conflicting emotions.

It is not your fault
Linda Storks. It is important to understand that you cannot control someone else’s actions, no matter how much you love them. Letting go of that guilt is a crucial step in healing.
Acknowledge your feelings of loss, but also give yourself grace. You did the best you could, and that is all anyone
can do.

Create a new life

Mark Baraka. Sometimes healing comes from finding a new way to live that acknowledges the pain while also allowing space for growth. You do not have to forget your partner, but you can create a new life that honours them and your well-being. Whether that is through pursuing new hobbies, developing a passion, or taking a new direction in life, it is important to rediscover what brings you joy. 

Go through the emotions
Jessica Mwangi. You may feel lost or confused about how to move forward,but there is no right way to grieve. It is perfectly acceptable to cry,feel anger, or even feel numb.
Do not let guilt prevent you from experiencing your emotions fully. Healing is a journey, and it happens one day at a time. Let go of the pressure to ‘move on’ or ‘be strong.’