How to win over a woman with words

Thursday January 14 2021
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By Ian Hart

Men get plenty of practice at talking to one another, but far fewer opportunities to talk to women. So, it is hard for a young man to even grasp how to ask a woman to go on a date. Or to have the sort of effortless conversation with a woman that both will enjoy.

Mostly, they learn by trial and error. But that is very stressful, and it can take them years to understand how conversations with women differ from those between men. For example, male conversations are competitive and avoid revealing vulnerabilities, while women enjoy exploring all their feelings and emotions. And men need to discover how to check out a new woman’s body language to see whether she would welcome a conversation.

So, before you say anything, check that her eyes are catching yours with a hint of nervousness and excitement, and that she seems to enjoy being near you. Letting you know that you do not have to worry about getting a brush off. 
In fact, never stop paying attention to her body language, because it is full of hints as to what is going down well as you talk, and what is not.

Endless wisecracks
Women want a man to be confident. So, lead the conversation. They like men who are fun to talk to. But that is not about making endless wisecracks. It is about excitement and enjoyment. So, keep the mood light, playful, teasing and flirtatious. If she is happy talking to you, you are half way there.

Show her right from the start that you think she is attractive and desirable, or you will run the risk of being ‘friend-zoned’. But avoid complimenting her too much, especially about her looks, or you will seem needy and she will think you are just trying to flatter her. Do not try to go too fast, because she will be much more attracted to you if it feels like she is slowly winning you over. If she thinks you are too keen, she will lose interest.

Be yourself
Be yourself, and do not be afraid to talk about whatever you are passionate about. Women like to see enthusiasm in a man, and anyway, you will not be happy with someone who does not share your interests.
Women are turned on by men who are willing to take a conversation to a more personal and intimate level.


Mutual disclosure
Mutual disclosure is another big turn on, while being even slightly secretive is not. So, ask her lots of questions, and reveal similar things about yourself in return. Raise potentially revealing topics such as her childhood memories or future ambitions. State your opinions and ask about hers.

Questions can become boring. So, avoid sounding like you are interrogating her by mixing your questions with statements. Rather than just asking ‘Where are you from?’ try saying ‘You do not look like you grew up around here...?’ and let her tell you whether you are right.
Talking to a woman is one of the most enjoyable things you can ever do. But you must follow her rules, not yours. So learn them, and have fun.

Women are different
Remember what worked for a past girlfriend will not necessarily work on the next one. Make sure you are choosing words specifically for her. No woman wants to know that you are recycling words on her that you used on someone else.