I cut my age by seven years and now he has found out

I lied about my age when I started seeing this guy. Then, I was 32 but told him I was 25. He believed me and we’ve been in our relationship for about four years now. Recently, my brother said that I was born in 1986. Although my boyfriend has not said anything, I feel terribly embarrassed by this lie and I do not know what to do. Please advise. By the way, he is three years younger than me.

Sharifah

Dear Sharifah,

It is true that many people lie about their age for fear of being labeled as old and of course to feel accepted.  Society tends to associate physical beauty with youth and even men tend to prefer younger women assuming they are prettier and more in shape. It is also common that most men want to date women who are younger than them and this puts up pressure on women who are in their 30’s and not yet hooked.

Well in your case I do not know what motivated you to lie about your age but since the cat was let out of the bag by your brother,  it would be wise to come clean and use your brother’s statement as an entry point. 

However,  you also mention that your boyfriend has not said anything but you feel embarrassed.  Lying about age is usually a short term remedy and if you intend to have a long-term relationship, the best option is to come out clean since you cannot hide your age for so long as it will eventually show up.

A relationship thrives on communication and among the five levels of communication disclosure is the fifth. Very few couples reach this level of self-disclosure which includes telling your spouse about your most delicate information such as your true age, a long term illness, children in a previous relationship, property and even financial issues. The deeper the communication, the richer the relationship.

However, most relationships end at the level of trivial talk. At an individual level, take an introspection about your self-esteem, are you comfortable about who you are? If so,  then practice telling the truth about your age, where you come from since this will keep you confident as you relate with your boyfriend who may in turn become your marriage partner.

If you feel so great about how you look for your age,  just be honest about it and enjoy the compliments that follow. Remember he might appreciate you coming clean - but don’t be surprised if he thinks you are superficial, since you don’t like how men your age look. Follow your heart and do that which seems most right and telling the truth especially in a relationship that is likely to be long term saves you from future embarrassment.

Lastly, the first person to accept you is yourself.

This means your age, looks and everything about you, this makes it easier for other people to accept you for who you are.

Reader advice

Love me or let me go

Xavier Trecy

I am 40 now and I have  six children . That’s all.  I do not desire to lie about my age. Love me or let me go.

He is the one with issues

Anderson Evans

Do not be worried because you did nothing wrong. If he shows you attitude then he is the one with a a problem because we all know women lie about their age and we are okay with it.

Just open up

Mary Akol

Tell him the truth.  If he loves you,he will not quit even if you are 50.  He loves you and not your age.

He is waiting on you

Prince George Roads

He is waiting for you to start a conversation about it.  Start from there. The good thing is he stayed calm. We all know ladies do not tell their true age.

Next time chop two years

Marion Kisti Mia

Banange lie realistically.....why would you chop seven good years from your age! please note that no matter how much you lie about your age, truth haunts darling. Deep down you know how old you are! Next time atleast chop two.

Truth always comes out

Kays Morris Francis

Never lie about age and children in a relationship, soon or later the truth will always come out.

Prepare for the worst

Phoebe Mariam

That lie is going to cost you the love of your life! You have nothing to explain now. Just prepare yourself for the worst and possibly apologise to him and see what happens next.

Truth is key

Lilian Katende

This is one reason I will never lie when dating because you might think you are just dating for fun and you end up getting married to that person.