Is social media tearing my relationship apart?
Of late, many people in relationships tend to give phones more time than they do for many other things.
What you need to know:
- Instead of accusing her of being emotionally involved with someone else or demanding she change her behaviour, try to open a conversation about how you feel in a non-confrontational way.
My girlfriend and I have been dating for a year. Lately, her social media activity has started to make me uncomfortable. She constantly posts pictures with her male friends and comments on their photos, and I have even caught her messaging them privately. She brushes it off when I bring it up, saying it is harmless.
But I feel disrespected and am worried that she may be emotionally invested in someone else. This situation is causing a lot of tension between us. Am I overreacting, or do I have a valid reason to be concerned? How do I talk to her about this without sounding insecure or controlling? Can social media truly be a threat to a relationship? Michael
Dear Michael, You are not overreacting; your feelings are valid. In today’s world, social media has become a powerful tool for communication, but it also brings new complexities to relationships.
Many couples are navigating unfamiliar territory where online behaviour can sometimes blur emotional boundaries. What you are experiencing is not uncommon, and you must take time to understand your emotions while also approaching your partner with empathy and clarity.
Let us begin with your main concern; social media’s impact on your relationship. Yes, social media can be a threat to relationships, but it is not inherently harmful. It depends on how partners use it and the level of transparency they maintain.
What makes social media tricky is that it can offer opportunities for emotional intimacy with others outside the relationship, often under the guise of friendship. A seemingly innocent message slowly morph into emotional investment, and that can feel like betrayal even if it is not physical.
Your discomfort is heightened because your girlfriend is downplaying your concerns. That minimisation can lead to further feelings of disconnection and mistrust. When someone brushes off our feelings, it can be interpreted as emotional neglect.
Relationships thrive on mutual respect and open communication; both partners should feel safe expressing their discomfort without fear of being labelled as insecure or controlling. So, how do you talk to her? The key is to focus on your feelings, not her actions.
Instead of accusing her of being emotionally involved with someone else or demanding she change her behaviour, try to open a conversation about how you feel in a non-confrontational way.
For example, you might say: “I have been feeling a bit unsettled lately about some of the interactions I have noticed on social media. I know they may be harmless from your point of view, but they make me feel uncomfortable and unsure about where we stand emotionally. I value our relationship, and I want to understand your perspective, too.”
This kind of language invites her into a conversation rather than putting her on the defensive. It is not about making her stop talking to male friends, it is about building mutual understanding and setting boundaries that respect both of your emotional needs.
You could also ask reflective questions such as, “What do you think healthy boundaries on social media look like in a relationship?” or “Would you feel okay if I were having similar private conversations with other women?”
These questions do not accuse, they encourage introspection and invite her to view the issue from your side. Every relationship needs clear boundaries, and they are unique to each couple. For some, liking and commenting on photos is fine; for others, it crosses a line. The issue arises when one partner’s actions consistently make the other uncomfortable, and those feelings are dismissed.
If your girlfriend values the relationship, she will make an effort to understand and possibly compromise, not because you “demand” it, but because your emotional safety matters to her. Lastly, take a moment to assess your own needs.
Ask yourself whether you are feeling insecure only because of what she does online, or if this is rooted in a deeper lack of trust or transparency in your relationship. Think about whether she reassures you and makes you feel prioritised, or whether her online interactions always take centre stage. Trust and respect are the foundations of any strong relationship.
If social media behaviour repeatedly undermines those foundations, and conversation does not lead to change, then you have to ask yourself if this relationship is meeting your emotional needs.
According to the National Library of Medicine, women tend to be more actively involved with social media, overall. Men, on the other hand, are more likely to end relationships over social media posts. 65 percent consider liking photos/reels/stories as flirting; 80 percent of that number are men holding this view compared to 50 percent of women.
Reader advice
Be honest with her
Sarah Nakabugo. Relationships thrive on honesty and respect. If your girlfriend’s social media behaviour makes you uncomfortable, you have every right to speak up. If she values you, she will try to understand and find a middle ground. But if she keeps brushing you off, then maybe the respect is not mutual.
She does not value you
Daniel Mugisha. Let me tell you something as an older man. When a woman truly loves you, she protects your heart, not hurt it. I see many young couples fighting over social media; it is not a small thing. If she is always commenting, posting with other men, and messaging them in private, yet she calls it “harmless,” be careful. Sit her down and talk.
Talk to her
Prossy Akello. As a nurse, I see how emotional stress affects people’s health. If you constantly feel anxious or disrespected in your relationship, that is a warning sign. Emotional investment can happen online even before anything physical starts. If her online actions make you question your place in her life, talk to her openly. Do not accuse, just share your truth .
Why the secrecy?
Ronald Wabwire. I work in IT, and I have seen how social media creates temptations that many people are not strong enough to resist. A partner who is always on her phone, posting with other men, and chatting in private without transparency can easily start emotional cheating without even realising it. The problem is not that she has male friends, it is the secrecy and disregard for how her actions affect you .
Consider leaving her
Jane Namirembe. I may not understand all these Facebook and Instagram things, but I know when someone is being taken for granted. If she values you, she will want you to feel secure. But if she spends more time with her male friends online and calls it nothing, yet your heart is unsettled, that is not right. Do not keep silent. Talk to her, and if she still does not care, leave.
Do not ignore the signs
Kevin Woods. When a car has a strange noise, you do not wait until it breaks down. You investigate early. Same with relationships. If something does not feel right, do not ignore it. Social media might seem small, but it is where many hearts wander. Do not keep fixing something alone. Let her show you she is in this with you.
Act aloof
Brenda Kyalo. Sometimes, the best way to spark change is to show less interest, act like you are growing tired of the relationship. If she notices and cares, she might adjust. But if nothing changes, it is time to move on and find someone who values and respects you.
Its a red flag
Joseph Kyebayiga. That is a red flag. People often use such posts to indirectly communicate their thoughts or intentions.
Kharono Lufafa
Counsellor
