Looking for the one in all the wrong places

Thursday September 30 2021

Sometimes we go to extraordinary lengths to create our own versions of love in the wrong places. PHOTO/internet

By Bradford Kamuntu

We think we know what love is: the feeling that makes us truly human (or so we have been told), the mysterious bit of chemistry that gives us procreation and romance and altruistic goodness all in the same package.

We say we know love when we feel it, and when we see it, and when we hear it endlessly sung about in ballads and raunchy rap songs.

But we do not like to analyse love too much: Because, as everyone knows, to talk about love is to destroy the magic we have been told it is.

I will not talk too much about love as a general idea today, but instead will discuss our desperation in acquiring it (or semblance of it), that we would go to extraordinary lengths to create our own versions of love in the wrong places and with the wrong people just because the image mimics that which the movies/songs backed by society have told us it should be.

From the outside looking in, our dating choices can be confusing. Even from the inside, they often don’t lineup.

We just never outwardly speak on it, that would be too liberal, too rebellious and too forward for the society in which we operate. So, we move on in silence.


In my experience, there isn’t so much of a linear rationale as there is a desire for attention and connection that has its surges of glory and impotent nights in. This fluctuating dynamic can be troubling. At it’s worst, misleading. It can result in us looking for love in all the wrong places.

I am sure you are wondering, what are the right places to look for love, if that is not it then you are probably waiting for me to start listing places that I consider morally wrong when it comes to looking for love.

Any love left?

That is not the premise of this article.

The places here are a reference to people, when you build relationships and subsequently use them to build lives and families that is your home, that is the place you choose to find love in.

What we often do not consider is if the people we are choosing to love have any love left in them, do they see love from the same point of view as those choosing them or are we simply choosing to go by attraction and/or infatuation and put the label love on it.

Looking for love in all the wrong places has way more to do with what you think a committed relationship means;  What it could usher into your life, and conversely, escort out.

The danger here is, we often (especially millennials) usher into our lives more negative when we choose relationships based on what they should look like and not whether or not we have found real love in the person we have chosen to be with.

People seem not to marry the loves of their lives anymore but marry what is most convenient, they settle which is so sad to see.

Even for those that marriage is not the end goal but love is, are you choosing the right people? Do their ideals blend with yours and if they do not, is that something you want?

Or are you simply embarking on such a major life decision because you must meet the status quo?