The brutal murder of John Bosco Ngorok, a former Uganda Revenue Authority (URA) employee, allegedly at the hands of his longtime friend, the Rev Fr Dominic Alinga, has sent shockwaves across the nation.
The tragic incident, reportedly linked to a love affair, has sparked debate on the dark side of relationships and betrayal. But this is not an isolated case.
In September 2014, businesswoman Jacqueline Uwera Nsenga was sentenced to 20 years for the murder of husband Juvenal Kananura Nsenga, in 2023, Dr Matthew Kirabo was sentenced to 30 years in prison for being involved in the murder of his girlfriend Desire Mirembe, a second-year medical student and in September 2024 Police Constable Alex Adei was reported to have shot and killed 32-year-old former girlfriend Babra Kongai and Police Constable Seezi Tusiime at Ntinda Police Barracks. What drives individuals to commit such horrifying acts in the name of love?
Is it jealousy, fear, or the weight of hidden truths? This story delves into the psychology behind love-fuelled violence, the warning signs often ignored. To gain a deeper understanding of this complex issue, we gathered people's thoughts on this trend.
Mental challenges
Simon Kaggwa, a businessman in Kitintale Market in Kampala, attributes such to mental challenges. He explains that stress and depression can weaken an individual's ability to regulate their emotions and impulses, which will lead to aggressive behaviour, including violence that may include taking someone’s life.
"When people are stressed they cannot think about others' feelings and it is easier for them to hurt or kill someone without thinking twice about the consequence,” Kaggwa says. Furthermore, Kaggwa is concerned about the loss of Ubuntu among people, noting that people are less humane and no longer have the zeal to protect one another as human beings.
However, Kaggwa, blames wicked acts on materialistic relations saying people invest too much money in relationships and in case of disappointment they easily lose their minds to an extent of harming people. He emphasises that people should respect God’s commandments and pray for guidance when they are in disturbing situations.
Idleness
Gloria Ayebazibwe, a retailer in Kibuli, Kampala, blames the situation on high levels of unemployment in that people have become pessimistic and do not see a future ahead of them. She notes that such feelings of hopelessness can easily increase the risk of violent behaviour leading to loss of life.
“People are desperate and even the smallest things turn them off. When it comes to relationships and love, you find that some individuals have invested so much of their time and resources. When challenges arise such people do not hesitate to take drastic measures, including taking a life,” Ayebazibwe says.
She also emphasises that some of these acts are done under the influence of alcohol and drugs which influences one's decision and increases aggression among the users.
Poor conflict management
Justus Okello, accounting officer, says such incidents are a result to poor management of emotions and poor conflict resolution. “Many people in this generation struggle with managing their emotions, leading to thoughtless and aggressive behaviour when faced with relationship conflicts,” Okello says.
He further blames the situation on corruption which has infiltrated every level of the justice system in Uganda, from the police to the courts, resulting in a breakdown in the rule of law.
Those in power and influence can manipulate the system to their advantage. He explains that individuals feel that they can commit crimes without facing consequences which has created a culture of violence, including murder as well.
“Many times, we have seen people being released from police custody even before being arraigned in court. In most cases the families of these people have paid a bribe,” he says.
Okello says if such things continue to happen people will continue to murder others knowing they will get away with it.
Counsellor says
The head of public relations, Uganda Counselling Association Emmanuel Gitta , attributes the rising incidents to mental health challenges. Gitta notes that some people find themselves emotionally down that they cannot live without that person if he or she leaves them for good. “Some of them have emotional reliance on people, like they feel if those people are not in their life, they cannot live without them. They feel if they cannot have these people, they would rather take them away,” he says.
He adds; “You find that some other people are having attachment issues where someone feels like their life is rekindled and tied onto one person and nobody else can be. So all they plan and all they do is around that person.” Gitta says most of the time it is attached to insecurities in that some people have the insecure attachment and they find themselves suffering emotions, possessiveness, looking at their partner as their personal belonging and all they do is to keep that person around them. The counsellor says some others are overdriven by emotions and fail to understand that what they are feeling is just temporary and will go away after some time.
“The same way you find others, just lose control and slap someone. So, the same energy someone uses to slap someone is the same measure in their mind to stab someone. Sometimes people who have killed others do not go there sober. They go at a time when they are fuelled with anger and let emotions take control. Henceforth, they go ahead and just hit up someone,” Gitta elaborates.
Societal and cultural issues
Some people get addicted to drugs which take control of their brains and how they do things. “So, most times such people find themselves getting sober again and they realise the wrong things they did,” Gitta says.
However, he recommends that if anybody found themselves in a love triangle, and losing their emotions to seek support from their families, friends or even a therapist to help them deal with the emotions that are arising within them. He insists that ignoring emotions can push one to do something that is negative. Gitta encourages people to practice self-care through nurturing their feelings and emotions; knowing when to walk away when things get bitter. People should learn anger management skills that fit their own feelings as individuals. They can either walk away, sleep it off or hang out with friends.
He also urges lovers to improve their communication skills saying once one is in a relationship, they need to understand their partners. “If you see your husband or your spouse doing something that you do not like, how often do we tell them: “I do not like what you are doing? And how do we say it? Some people choose to keep quiet but bottle their anger,” Gitta says.
Furthermore, the counsellor says people need to grow mindsets where someone understands that they are now adults, and start dealing with things as adults. He explains that some people have started relationships while still young and still behave in a childish manner, but they need to behave like adults.
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