Love, loans, and the price of ever after

By Barbra Kahubire Baguma

Ah, money, money, money… the uninvited third party in every relationship. It sneaks in, gets comfortable, wedges itself between you on the couch, and whispers things like, "Did you see the price of that handbag?" or "Why are you ordering pork and ‘bigenderako’ again when we should be saving for a house?" 

While love is supposed to conquer all, money insists on playing a starring role in every scene of this supposedly eternal romance. From the moment a couple transitions from "me" to "we," financial matters take centre stage. Dating is all about fancy trips, unexpected gifts, and pretending that spending $100 on a steak and chocolate soufflé is a normal Wednesday night activity. But then comes marriage, and suddenly, the same person who once sent you money for "little treats" is raising an eyebrow at your online shopping history.

Whose money is it?

Marriage vows are a grand affair. Couples promise to stay together through sickness and health, through good times and bad, but somehow, no one ever says, "I take you to be my lawfully wedded spouse, along with your loans, mortgage, overdraft fees, and mysterious monthly subscriptions to services neither of us use." 

Money has a funny way of turning sweethearts into financial advisors overnight. "Do we really need to spend this much on a wedding?" One partner asks, while the other furiously pins five-star honeymoon resorts on Pinterest. "Should we get joint accounts?" 

"Who is paying for date night?" "Are you secretly saving money for an escape plan?" All valid questions. And then, the other kind of cheating shows up. Not infidelity in the romantic sense—oh no, financial infidelity is its own beast. It starts small: "Oh, this? I have had it for ages!" (regarding a brand-new designer bag or that massive flower vase in the living room). Or the classic, "It was on sale, so technically I saved money." A survey once revealed that financial infidelity can cause just as much damage to a marriage as the actual kind. That is right… finding out your partner is secretly funding their jewelry, sneaker, or watch addiction might sting just as much as discovering their "work wife" saved in their phone as "John from HR." 

The question is, whose money is it anyway? In some relationships, everything goes into one pot, shared and spent together. In others, it is a strict "yours, mine, and ours" situation, where the only shared expenses are rent, groceries, and maybe Netflix (because nobody wants to pay for another subscription). Then there is the ever-delicate dynamic of one partner earning significantly more than the other. How do you split bills fairly when one person makes triple what the other does?

Culture

Let us not forget that in many cultures and religious settings, money management comes with a set of rules that can add extra layers of drama. Some traditions expect men to be the sole providers, while others emphasize equality and joint decision-making. 

Somewhere in between, modern couples are trying to navigate reality—where both partners work, earn, and contribute, yet still argue over whose turn it is to pay for date night. Some families still believe in paying bride price, essentially an invoice for love. Others expect a couple to merge finances the moment they say "I do." And then there are those who believe that discussing money openly is "bad luck" as if ignoring their financial struggles will magically make them disappear.

Tips

One may wonder what to do to keep money from becoming the villain in their love story. A few tips; Honesty is key. Whether you have savings or debt, be upfront. Finding out your spouse owes money to five loan apps, Saccos, and multiple money lenders is a shock best avoided. Set clear expectations. Will you split bills equally? Will one person handle rent while the other covers groceries? Will you each keep a "fun money" account for guilt-free spending and holiday trips? What about clothing and tuition fees? Have financial check-ins. 

Just like date nights, but instead of candlelit dinners, you’re reviewing bank statements, discussing investments, and maybe even planning a property purchase. Respect each other’s money personalities. One of you is a spender, the other a saver. Learn to compromise. Prioritise wisely. Emergency fund first, luxury later. That designer bag can wait; hospital bills cannot. At the end of the day, money is just a tool and should not define your relationship. 

Yes, it can build homes, pay for vacations, and fund dream weddings, but it can also cause heartbreak, power struggles, and silent treatments. So, whether you believe in joint accounts or separate finances, one thing is for sure… If love is truly "till death do us part," then sorting out your financial habits might be the key to making sure your relationship doesn’t part first. After all, love may be blind… but financial statements sure are not.