My girlfriend steals money from me

My girlfriend and I have been together for three years. Last year, we started living together and this is when I started noticing disturbing traits in her. Money would always disappear from my wallet. A first I suspected the maid and started keeping the wallet in a place only me and my girlfriend would open. Still, money would disappear and when I asked her about it, she denied everything. I recently withdrew Shs2m to pay rent and on the day of payment, the money had been taken. When I asked her about it, she said she had taken it to pay her own debts. I love her very much but I cannot tolerate this. Should I call it quits? Anonymous


Expert's advice

Dear Anonymous,

This seems to be a disturbing situation for you. One of the key issues in a relationship is how to deal with finance. Your situation is not new and, therefore, can affect trust. It is also one of the issues a number of couples seek counselling services for. 
In an ideal relationship, money matters should be discussed. The couple must agree on how they want to handle their money; either together or as individuals. None of the answers may be straight or easy to identify or even understand.
However, it is important that you focus on finding a permanent solution to this problem, not forgetting to involve your girlfriend at every stage of decision making. In your discussion, let her know how her behaviour makes you feel. Knowing of your support, it is likely that she may be willing to look at what may be causing her to take money without telling you first.
In case you are unable to make any sense of the situation and yet you both do want to find answers, then it would be helpful to also consider meeting an expert who may guide you in determining the cause for the same and also the best way forward.
 The ideal in this situation would be to limit your expression of disappointment and feeling of distrust to your girlfriend and instead keep demonstrating the need to take a problem-solving approach to the whole situation.

Kharono Lufafa is a counselling psychologist with Sermotherapy Counselling Foundation


Readers' advice

Do you give her money?
Kirsten Kevaul Nassuna. Do you sometimes give her money for upkeep? If you have not been doing so, please start giving her some money monthly so that she can take care of her needs without having to ask for money from you. She might be taking your money because she fears asking because you are stingy.

Marry her
Hellen Nasasira. The fact that she is has been a mere girlfriend for more than three years and cohabiting with you means she is paying herself for taking care of you daily. If you marry her, she will stop the habit since she will know that the money is for your family’s development. Currently, she does not see herself as family.

She is right
Mary Akol. The only challenge I see here is that she denies any wrongdoing. Otherwise, there is nothing wrong with her sharing your money.
Talk about it with her
Brendah Martha. Talk about it with her. It may be because you do not give her any money. Start by providing for her and if she continues with the habit, then let her go.

End the relationship
Nyakojo Donavan Alecs. Why on earth would I live with such a person? What if she is sending your money to her private boyfriend whom she is counting on? What if she is building her house and then she will leave you after finishing it? My brother, run and never look back. In fact, carry whatever you can when she is away and go.

Communication is key
Sheillah Atwine. Sit her down and tell her that you are not comfortable with her behaviour. If she cannot change, then consider letting her go.
It is her money too
Richard Kanene. Correction; she takes money from you.
It is from other men that she steals. You are her man and she is entitled to your money.

Get her source of income
Godie Kisiga. Do not quit. If you are unable to give her money, say a monthly upkeep, then find a more permanent source of income for her such as starting a business for her. 

Think about the future
Mervyne Hordge. Just leave her; there is no way around it. Imagine how your life will be with such a person 10 years from now. You do not want that kind of stress, especially after you get married. Better to end the relationship now.

Teach her responsibility
Rita Matovu. The only problem I see here is that she lacks a sense of responsibility. Next time, give her the money to pay rent or do house shopping.