I am 28 and I have been married for about a year. While dating, my husband gave the impression that he was very rich. He would buy me expensive gifts and show up for dates in expensive cars. It was only after being married for a few months that I realised he was totally dependent on his parents. He counts every penny and we even struggle to buy the bare necessities. I feel cheated. What should I do?
It is such a dilemma when a spouse or an intending partner lies about their finances or even hides his debts. This can break trust and it takes time to repair. It is also true that some men fear coming clean to a woman about their true status financially because they fear being rejected.
However, the most successful relationships are where honesty is shared. I wonder if by being dependent on his parents you also mean he has no job at all. Well, unfortunately, this dependency has been bred from his childhood and seemingly your spouse has not been weaned off from his parents.
As a spouse, my advice to you would be to calmly start a conversation with your husband about the financial status of the family and in case he listens to you, suggest to him about seeing a counsellor together. The counsellor will act as a mediator between the two of you and help determine the decision you would like to take in your relationship.
The other solution would be to set up a household budget, which you both agree to contribute to in a pool so that you reduce the feeling of being cheated.
Evelyn Kharono Lufafa, Counselling psychologist
Start loving your hubby
Davis Samuel Wante. It is unfortunate that the foundation of your relationship was built on lies. However, it is not too late for you to start loving your husband. I believe he lied because he cherished you and did not want to lose you. Love is always supportive and does not envy nor hurt. Share the little at hand and help him to appreciate himself and to overcome poverty. I believe he will forever be your sweetheart if you stop judging him.
Build your own wealth
Muwanguzi Kabula Semusambwa. You are still young and I believe your man is not too old either. Please work with him to build your own wealth. You will respect each other if you build your wealth together. It is sad you expected already made things, but trust me what you build together will bring you much more satisfaction and a sense of pride and accomplishment.
Nampa Patience Natie. If you married him for his money, then you are cheated but if you married him out of love, then it is your duty as his partner to help him out of that dependency for the good of your future family. Remember your development as a family and self-sustenance will be an outcome of combined effort.
Decide what to do
Tyrone Opolot. It is not right to blame this woman. When dating or trying to find someone, people have their qualities and requirements they look for in a man and being broke was not one of them for her. The man made her fall in love with lies. If you do not have children with him, it is never late to move on. But if you love him, you could stay and grow together financially.
You were dishonest
Daniel Mugabiirwe. Marriage is based on love, respect and honesty. You loved money, not him, in fact you need a job, not a husband. When he was acting rich and classy, were you acting broke or you were also ordering expensive dishes?
Make money together
Abel Wemz. Let it be a lesson to all women who think a man that looks expensive and rich in their eyes is the right man/husband. Many deny genuine and honest men a chance in pursuit of those who seem wealthy. What you need to do now is to calm down and accept reality. Money is made and if you work together with your husband, you will have all that you need.
Make your man
George Abedi II. Maybe those were the standards you set during dating. He had to play monkey tricks to get you and other things had to go to default after you were married. Do not be hard on yourself. Ready-made men are hard to get and keep, make your man.
What do you want?
Martha Naruka Lodihak. If the only reason you married him was because of his presumed riches then go ahead and divorce him but if that is not the case, then stay together, plan together and grow rich together.
When a partner lies, the spouse being lied to might feel devastated and distant. They also may start to question everything the deceiver says.