My 42-year-old husband recently opened a TikTok account and has been acting like a teenager ever since. He now spends more time filming dance videos, lip-syncing to Luganda love songs, and replying to comments from girls calling him “uncle bae.” At first, I laughed it off, but it is becoming ridiculous. He bought ring lights, started referring to our bedroom as “the studio,” and even turned our daughter’s school shoes into a TikTok prop. He claims he is “building a brand” and might start earning from views. Meanwhile, I am the one carrying the financial load and taking care of the home while he is doing TikTok challenges. Should I be worried that he is losing grip of reality, or just let him be Uganda’s next viral star?
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous, Thank you for writing to us as you seek clarity and resolution around the new situation concerning your husband. You have not stated this expressly, but it seems your husband may not be employed at the moment, and that may partly explain this newfound appeal on TikTok and your role in taking care of the financial affairs of the home. If unemployment is indeed in the background, it may inform how you handle this issue.
Let us look at the issue at the centre of your letter, which is the TikTok account. I am not sure why your husband has resorted to TikTok as an income-generating avenue, but if it has to do with his lack of employment, as I alluded to earlier, then it may make some sense. Money can indeed be made from TikTok, depending on how many people view the content posted and how much the online audience engages with it.
The money earned will partly depend on the region where the content originates. Could it be that your husband, in an attempt to pick up a revenue-generating venture where he may not have many, applied for advice and is trying to take action rather than remain unemployed? Earning money on TikTok requires harder work at the start for one’s account to gain traction, unless the content is extraordinary and goes viral quickly.
So, there is legitimacy in using TikTok as a means of earning money. On the other hand, I see why you are perplexed. With your husband at 42 years old and assuming you are contemporaries, your enthusiasm for TikTok and what he is doing might be little or non-existent. TikTok typically engages younger audiences, and that may explain why he acts like a teenager. I appreciate how this may not make a good impression from your standpoint.
The enthusiasm with which he is going into the TikTok venture could reflect his attempt to tackle the reality of being unemployed or his possible inability to contribute financially at home. It might be an attempt to solve the unemployment problem unconventionally, especially given the difficulty of finding employment at 42 years. How might you test his resolve and lend a positive spin to this TikTok issue in your marriage? I would suggest you assist him.
There are people with deeper insights into what works on TikTok or how to fine-tune one’s creativity on the platform and other social media channels. What if you work together and seek strategic advice on how to do it right, or best, if he has not already found someone? For a likely unemployed man, this could be a boost to his esteem and an encouragement. Many women admire men who keep trying, especially in times when women have to bear the heavy financial burden of taking care of the home.
So, try being helpful, but it will require that you adjust your attitude towards what he is doing. If you decide to assist him, it will also require your patience. Only time will tell if this TikTok venture is genuine or not, because it might surprise all of you by becoming viable through persistence and support. This also ties in with your very commendable role of paying the bills at home, typically a primary role of the man. If your husband remains otherwise loving and present, give his new idea of making money a chance so that, whatever becomes of it, even if it does not succeed, you will not have created a fault line that could undermine your marriage in the future.
That could happen if you appear to resist or discourage him while continuing to expect him to step up. If I am right that your husband is unemployed, please take note that this time is often very trying for most men. It affects their self-esteem, their expression of love for the family, and can trigger mental health conditions.
The wife and family can be a great source of support to shore up this husband and father during such times. If he has, in the past, demonstrated that he can take care of the family and has just fallen on hard times recently, some empathy can go a long way in helping him and creating a solid basis for the continued warmth in your marriage. Otherwise, when a situation like this is mishandled, for some, it spells the beginning of the end of a long-time marriage, or worse.
If he has, in the past, demonstrated that he can take care of the family and has just fallen on hard times recently, some empathy can go a long way.
Samuel Ssettumba
Counsellor
