My wife wears too much makeup

I am 34 and my wife is 27 years old. While dating, she would wear a lot of makeup but I dismissed it thinking she was just trying to impress me. However, after getting married, I realised that my wife is addicted to makeup to the extent that she wears it to bed. She also spends a lot of money buying products every month, some she never even uses. When I confronted her about it, she became furious and said I was being mean. How do I convince her to stop wearing such heavy makeup, especially when she is at home? Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Makeup can enhance the features of an individual, act as a mask, and even correct flaws. Most women wear makeup as a way of lifting their faces, feeling good about themselves and raising their confidence as well. However, some prefer to wear excessive makeup and do not realise that their makeup is acting as a mask. If this describes your significant other, there are amicable ways of helping her to lessen or use less appealing makeup. 

Find out why your wife decides to wear her makeup that way in a non-confrontational way. Sometimes, people wear makeup for reasons such as covering flaws, pleasing other other people or even to enhance their features. 

Take an indirect approach by asking how she feels about herself with makeup and calmly foster more conversation by asking why she thinks women wear makeup and her personal reasons for making up the way she does. Do not use criticism as this will only open up bitter arguments between you and even limit you from passing on your well-intended message. Find out from her what she thinks your preference for makeup is. 

Let this be the opportune moment to explain how you like a natural look with less makeup without criticising her. Complement your wife on the few occasions she comes out with a fresh and natural face. Try to focus on a feature on her face and say statements such as, “your eyes or lips look beautiful.” This will go a long way in raising her self-esteem and she may slowly buy into less or no makeup just for your sake. 

Remember to be kind in your conversation by not calling her names but instead encourage her to know that she is most appreciated even with a natural look. You can also together go shopping and encourage her to buy neutral colours. Remember, your wife may not agree with everything you suggest about makeup. If this happens, then remember to accept her as she is since this might be a deep-rooted behaviour that she needs a lot of understanding from you. Be the strongest support for your wife and appreciate her without judging her.

Evelyn Kharono Lufafa, Counselling psychologist