Navigating the complex world of dating in your 30s

Dating seemed so much easier when we were younger. You liked someone, and if they liked you back, the two of you decided to date. Simple. There wasn’t much pre-screening or compatibility testing. However, dating gets a bit more complex once we get into our 30s.

Some aspects of dating in your 30s make the process harder, a shrinking candidate pool is one. You can no longer meet potential partners at school and probably are not attending parties and social gatherings as often. These used to be the hotspots for fresh encounters. Plus, your friends likely have fewer single friends to hook you up with by this time (Dependent on your friends, this could be a blessing).

In addition to a narrower playing field, dating in your 30s means you have probably endured your fair share of failed relationships and so have most other eligible singles you come across. Somebody is bound to have baggage or be jaded by past betrayals. That means some of the innocence and fun of dating may be lost.

On the flip-side, many people argue that dating in your 30s is much better (personally, I agree with this). There are many reasons dating may actually improve once you hit 30. You likely know yourself a lot better by now. Those failed relationships taught you your likes and dislikes, what you need from a partner, and what you can offer. In your 30s, you have a clearer picture of what you are looking for since it is supported by experience.

Although the process of courtship may not be as simple as it once was, that is not necessarily bad. Instead of only using the “like” factor, you start to consider others that support your desired outcome. The quantity of your dates may decrease, but the quality is likely to increase as you use wisdom to your advantage.

Across the board, the most common response I get from the conversations I am a part of is you have some variation on knowing what you want. Maybe you used to be attracted to the life of the party, until you realised how exhausting it was keeping up with your ex’s constant attention-seeking (this, I am sure many of us know all too well).

Or, let us say you always pictured yourself with someone super ambitious, but then were not so crazy about the 14-hour days your last S.O. was always pulling. A laundry list of traits is no substitution for all the nuances and complexities of a real, living relationship. The more you have dated, the better an idea you will have of what actually works for you.

In fact, the 30s are now widely considered the beginning of the prime dating years. I was the disobedient child between ages 10-13 that secretly stayed up past their bed time to watch Sex & The City, so I already knew this. I always thought the 30s are lit or whatever lingo we used at the time. According to relationship experts, dating in your 30s (and beyond) presents some very real benefits.

If confidence comes with age that goes double when it comes to dating. Think back to times when you were younger and something was bothering you, the person you were seeing sucked at communicating, or maybe you wanted to define the relationship but did not want to risk upsetting whatever delicate equilibrium you already had.

I do not know whether it is because accumulated experiences have toughened us up or we are just more inclined toward an ‘I don’t care’ attitude, but it seems like by the time we hit our 30s, we have gotten over it. 

Navigating the multifaceted world of dating in your 30s can feel overwhelming. Just remember that it is not a matter of the process being more difficult at this age. Just make sure your dating life is evolving over time just like you are.