Now that the first date is done

Thursday August 05 2021
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By Bradford Kamuntu

So, you have managed to make it through the first date. Things seem to be going well and both of you are ready to commit.

The only issue is, we are never told what the way forward is or what happens next?

At the very beginning everything is very uncertain, you are still unaware what you could do or say to take things forward or to completely destroy what you may have started.

However, there are a few general habits or activities you could do to ensure smooth sailing as you continue to try to navigate dating.

Focus on the present.

It is natural to bring your fears and negative experiences to a new relationship; after all, it is a survival mechanism to prevent getting your heart broken again. But even if old fears and insecurities may prevent heartbreak, they can also prevent you from truly being happy in a new relationship.

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For example, if a past partner was unfaithful, do not distrust your new partner just because of what an ex-relationship was like.

Focus on the qualities that make your new partner different.

If they’re trustworthy enough to date, that means you should trust them.  

While the ‘dating history’ conversation will be an important one eventually, do not rush into it.

Spend the first few dates getting to know your new partner’s likes, dislikes, dreams, and personality traits, while they are getting to know yours.

There is no need to explain what went wrong in your last relationship on the first few dates or find out about their dating past before you know the names of their siblings and where they grew up. 

Of course, you do not need to (and probably should not) ask how many kids they want before week three, but you do not want to wait until after one year of dating to find out that they never want to get married if marriage is a non-negotiable for you.

Always tell them

It is not always fun to talk about things like life goals, religion, marriage, politics, etc., but naturally work your deal-breakers into the conversation to make sure you are at least on the same page, as soon as you start to see a future together.

Also, whether you are looking for a long-term relationship or are looking for more of a casual fling, tell them.

Call or text sometimes, not in an overwhelming way but maintain communication; it reveals level of interest and also helps to keep the fire burning in between meetings as you go about your day-to-day lives.

Whether it is a sports team, activity or their new favourite band, you should take interest in their interests. Let them ramble on about their favourite team or singer, even if you do not love anything about sports and/or entertainment.

Let these activities help ‘Segway’ you and this very new relationship into something more serious, these initial actions, activities are what help build a solid bond and the rock that will hold your union’s foundation together.

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