I am a first-time mother, and my maternity leave ends next week. My baby is just six months old, and I am already overwhelmed with guilt and anxiety at the thought of leaving her at daycare. Every time I try to imagine being away from her, I feel like crying. She is very attached to me, and I am worried the separation will affect her emotionally and me, too. I am constantly asking myself if I am doing the right thing. How can I ease this separation anxiety for both of us and make this transition smoother without feeling like I am abandoning her?
Jane Rose.
Separation anxiety is the feeling of fear, distress, or anxiety that arises when a person is away from someone they are emotionally attached to, such as a loved one, caregiver, or familiar environment. While separation anxiety is often associated with babies, it deeply affects mothers as well. Whether it is a quick trip to the store, returning to work, or leaving your little one with someone else for the first time, being apart from your baby can feel like your heart is being pulled in two.
Separation anxiety typically occurs around six months of age, when babies begin to develop a strong emotional attachment to their primary caregiver, often their mother. At the same time, mothers have already formed an intense bond through months of caregiving, breastfeeding, snuggling, and responding to every little need. As a mother, feeling the ache of separation is completely normal, and you are not alone. There are gentle ways to ease the anxiety while continuing to nurture both your baby and your emotional well-being.
When separation happens, even for a short time, it can feel unnatural or overwhelming. You may experience guilt about leaving, worry that your baby will not be okay without you, emotional distress, sadness, or even physical symptoms like a racing heart, tension, panic attacks, or a sense of emptiness. All these emotions are completely normal and are a testament to how deeply you care. You can ease separation anxiety in kind and realistic ways that help you feel more secure during the moments you are apart from your baby. Start by stepping away for brief periods, just a few minutes at first, while your baby is with a trusted person.
As you become more comfortable, gradually increase the time apart. This process will help both you and your baby learn that separation is safe and reunions are exciting. Creating a calm goodbye ritual can also help ease anxiety. A simple, loving routine gives you a sense of closure and comfort. A kiss on the forehead, a hug, and a short, consistent phrase such as “I will see you soon, my love” can go a long way. Keep goodbyes short and confident; lingering goodbyes can increase anxiety for both of you.
Leaving your baby with something that smells like you, such as a scarf, soft shirt, or comfort item, can provide them with reassurance. You can also comfort yourself by keeping a photo or your baby’s blanket with you while you are apart. When anxious thoughts creep in, such as “Am I abandoning her?” or “What if she needs me when I am gone?”, reframe them gently. Remind yourself: “My baby is safe and loved,” “It is okay for me to start working again,” or “It is okay for me to take time for myself. I am still a good mother.”
Mindfulness techniques such as deep breathing or short meditations can calm your nervous system during moments of anxiety, guilt, and emotional overwhelm. It is okay to check in with your support system, perhaps asking for a quick photo or update on how your baby is doing, but try to avoid relying on constant messaging or surveillance to manage your anxiety. Instead, focus on building trust in your support system and yourself. Do not be afraid to talk about your anxiety.
Many mothers experience these feelings, and sharing them with your partner, a friend, a mom group, or a counsellor can help lift the weight of anxiety and normalise your experience. Know that your baby feels your love, even when you are not there. Physical distance does not lessen your bond. Your baby still feels the effects of your love, care, and consistency, even when you are not in the same room. The mother-baby bond is strong, real, and stretches without breaking.
Separation anxiety is not something to “tough out” but something to move through with kindness and support. With time, practice, and reassurance, it gets easier. Your baby will grow more independent, and you will grow more confident. Always remember; taking care of yourself and having a life outside of motherhood does not make you a bad mother; it helps you be the best mother you can be for your child.
READER ADVICE
Visit the daycare
Amina Mukasa. If you are feeling anxious about leaving your baby when returning to work, I suggest you visit the daycare with your baby before you start work. Spend a few hours there each day, letting both of you get comfortable with the environment. Gradually leave your baby for short periods, and over time, you will both adjust. This helps to ease the transition and build trust in the daycare staff.
Get a morning routine
Grace Mukisa. It is normal to feel nervous, but creating a consistent morning routine can help with the separation. Give your baby lots of hugs and kisses before leaving, and ensure you communicate clearly with the daycare about your baby’s needs. This will create a sense of security for both you and your baby. Over time, your baby will become more comfortable, and so will you.
Always check in
Patricia Okoth. If you are worried about leaving your baby when you return to work, start by introducing your baby to the caregivers for a few hours before you officially go back. Checking in with the daycare regularly, especially in the beginning, can help ease your anxiety. As time passes, both you and your baby will get more comfortable with the situation.
Stay connected
John Woods. When my wife had to return to work, we started with short separations and gradually extended them to help our baby, Michael, adjust. It was also helpful to stay connected during the day by sending photos and videos. This made the separation easier for both of them. Gradual changes in your routine can go a long way in easing separation anxiety.
Make gradual changes
David Sonko. If you are worried about daycare, I recommend gradually introducing your baby to the daycare environment over a couple of weeks. This helps both the baby and the parents adjust. Stay connected through video calls or messages to reassure both you and your baby. Gradual steps can make the transition smoother and less stressful for everyone involved.
Leave comfort item
Zainab Bogere. If your baby experiences separation anxiety, like mine did, it is important to talk to the daycare staff about your baby’s needs and create a solid routine. Leaving a comfort item, such as a small blanket, with your baby can provide a sense of security. Over time, your baby will grow more comfortable, and so will you.
Adjust work routine
Sarah Nakazzi. I understand how overwhelming it can be. One way to ease the transition is to reduce your hours initially so you can spend more time with your baby. If possible, try working from home a few days a week. This gradual separation can help both you and your baby adjust more easily to the new routine.
6.6% Prevalence.
Separation anxiety is not as well studied in adults as in children. Since its recognition as an adult disorder, estimates of the prevalence of separation anxiety have varied. Some studies have estimated that about 0.9–1.9 percent of adults have a separation anxiety disorder, while others estimate that it impacts around 6.6 percent of adults. Separation anxiety disorder is more common among people who have experienced a traumatic event. Sometimes parents, especially new mothers, develop separation anxiety around their children, particularly in cases where the mother experiences a stressful pregnancy.
