Should I call off our engagement?

I proposed to my girlfriend of three years a month ago. She said yes and we are now organising our introduction and wedding ceremonies. However, last week, I received a phone call from a man who claims to be in an ongoing relationship with her. He sent me compromising photos of them together and screen shots of their love messages. I confronted her but she denied everything, saying she is being framed. Should I believe her? 

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

This must be so stressful for you. Calling off an engagement after creating such a bond with someone can be a hard decision to make. Although your fears are legitimate, take time to establish the truth since your fiancé also claims she is being framed.

 Relationships can be beautiful when two people are committed to one another. However, when an element of insecurity such as infidelity interferes with the relationship, then flaws begin to show. As one marriage and family therapist says, “If there was a totally effective method for happy, healthy relationships out there, surely someone would have packaged it up and sold it by now.”

Until we can find that 100 percent success-guaranteed recipe for a perfect relationship, we will have to make do with what we have; building our relationship skills, communicating effectively, engaging in activities that enhance our connection and using couples therapy to tackle any big issues.

This issue is quite delicate and needs you to first take care of your emotions and when you feel stable enough, you can support your fiancé to report the case to the police since you have evidence of the pictures.

Even if your fiancé is not be telling the truth, her behaviour and actions will with time help to reveal the truth.

Believing her or not will be a choice you make, especially after going through all the phases of this issue first, by discussing what is going on in a non-confrontational way.

If you come to an agreement that your fiancé is being framed, then involve the law and have this sorted once and for all.

In case you are still confused about what to do, go for counselling and give yourself time to internalise all this before you make any more decisions.

Taking time to review the situation and understand what is going on will help you make an informed decision.

Reader advice

Pause the ceremonies

Arnold Otim. First put a stop to the introduction and wedding preparations and establish the truth. Give her enough time to explain herself and get to the bottom of this. Making a rash decision might leave you regretting for the rest of your life.

Tread carefully

Juliet Nankya. Does this mean you will be wondering whether to call off the relationship every time allegations are made against your better half? Do not be too quick to make such a drastic decision. Establish the truth. That might be an angry ex-lover of hers or even one of your own looking to destroy your relationship.

Talk to her

Lexi Apio. I know it is hard to accept but there is a possibility that your girlfriend has been cheating on you with someone else. These things happen all the time. It might not have been a serious affair but it still amounts to unfaithfulness. If she is guilty and eventually owns up, the question you should be asking yourself right now is if you are willing to forgive her and give your relationship a second chance. Sit her down and have an honest conversation. Also, ask God for his guidance.

Stop before colliding

Bartholomew Diaz Nsubuga. A broken relationship is always better than a broken marriage. My brother, why are you walking into a doorpost? Preserve that ring for the woman who deserves your love and affection.

Meet them both

Phoebe Miriam. Meet the two of them and probe them together. Do not talk to one without the other because together, their gestures and body language will help you come to the truth.

She is too easy

Rash Rashid. You do not want someone that everyone can easily get. There is no smoke without fire and this woman is definitely hiding the truth from you. Run for dear life and take your time looking for someone who will value your love.

Talk to friends, family

David Woods. Talk to friends and family members you trust, who you know will refrain from judgment. Tell them about what is happening and ask for emotional support. People may offer advice, but politely tell them you are merely trying to figure out your own feelings and do not need instructions on how to proceed.

Talk to friends, family

Elijah Mukisa. I know it hurts and right now, you are confused about what to do next. However, wedding preparations can be put on hold as you take care of yourself. It will not be easy but try. Go out with friends and family and avoid spending extended periods of time alone. Also, not eating or taking excessive amounts of alcohol will not get the answers you need. Besides, you are better placed to deal with this when you are healthy and clear headed.

Evelyn Khorono Lufafa is a counselling psychologist with Sermotherapy Counselling Foundation