Should I call off the wedding?

I am 31 years old and I have been dating this wonderful man for over three years. From the moment we met, we had always talked about geting married. Like any other couple, we had our isssues which we always sorted out, after spending days, sometimes weeks of not talking. We then had to make the relationship official. He proposed and I did my part of informing my parents of our intentions. There was some resistance though, along the way, from one of our sides about our tribes.

The relationship then started taking another direction. He started seeing another woman behind my back. I got to know about it, but like any other man, he denied the allegations. We continued with our negotiations and finally got through. We got blessings from our families. This however, didn’t stop my fiancé from seeing the other woman. He later got her pregnant, but he denied responsibility. The wedding preparations are going on, but I don’t know how best to handle the whole situation. The last thing on my mind is to call off the wedding though I have given it some thought I am so confused.
What should I do?

Lydiah

Readers' Answers

You may quit
It is so sad that you are going through all that chaos, but I can say that you are even taking long to call off the wedding. That’s only if you are truely sure that this man impregnated the other woman.
Soon after your wedding, he will have to return to his secret lover. Remember, she is carrying his flesh and blood. Once a gold digger, always a gold digger.
Mwozey, aka Convict 373

Be patient
Dear Lydiah, at your age, it is not to right be afraid of the problem by deciding to call off the marriage. Remember, three years of dating and then loosing your dream man in one minute is not easy.
The devil is tempting you at the final stage like it did to Jesus, please do not quit. Since your man is still interested in marrying you, go ahead and give him a chance. It may be true that he cheated behind your back or it may be just a rumour, but remember that men are men and such things happen. Please fight the battle of your heart and be a woman.
Stephen Opio,Gulu

Do you love him?
Basing on your facts, I know the confusion in your head right now, but think twice before making a decision. First of all, remember that you and your boyfriend could take some weeks without talking to one another. Secondly, you got some resistance from your relatives due to differences in your tribes. During this moment of course, he was not sure if he could win to marry you officially. This could have been the time he started getting another fall back position in case he failed with you.

This relationship could have gotten deeper during that period. You should know that men do not easily fully disclose their status to women in circumstances they are not sure of things. Very few open up. It was possible for the other woman to conceive during this period of uncertainity. However, the fact that he is proceeding to marry you indicates that he does not love her as he does you. There are two things for you to consider; you either accept to stay with this man knowing very well that he has a child with someone else, which in fact you should accept even if he admits it later. Or if you are too pressed about the situation, openly discuss with him about your disappointment and confess your udiscomfort that may make you change your decision to marry him, and judge from his response. Otherwise, calling off the wedding may happen, but that will not make you happy for the rest of your life if you truly love him. Please bear in mind that it happened when he had not officially married you.
Catherine, Kampala

Talk to him
If the information you gave about your fiancé is true and supported with some evidence, get serious and raise this issue to your fiance in presence of some respectable members of his family. If you are satisfied with his reaction, please go ahead and prepare for the marriage, but if you are not convinced, call off the wedding before you regret your hasty decision. He is not the last man on earth and you are not too old to attract a more decent partner. Happiness can only be enjoyed when marriage is at the climax of your love.
Mike.S.K, MUK

Pray about it
I understand what you are going through, but how do you get all this information without his knowledge? How is that "great freind" feeding you with all the data? First do your research, and then sit him down. If he truly loves you, he will admit and seek for a way forward. Don't over react, when he admits, just over engage him, re-invent the relationship, and outsmart that prey behind you. Putting your wedding preparations on hold will be an advantage to the prey.

Also, take stock of yourself, and evaluate how you or your family differences could have contributed to the situation, that is if your man was not like that three years ago! Don't forget to pray about it, since marriage is a divine institution blessed by God. Good luck.
Prince

Follow your heart
I think it’s better to face the truth. Honestly, if he’s seeing someone else and can’t even take responsibility for getting her pregnant, why would you hang in there? I think you should be true to yourself because there is no guarantee that he will remain faithful to you in marriage if the wedding preparations go on. I think you should just call off that wedding and wait for someone who won’t disappoint you.
Lyn

Be strong
You have now reached a moment of reckoning in your relationship and it would be more traumatic if you cancelled it at this moment; such an experience will forever hauntand it will make it difficult for you to ever settle down in marriage. You have always negotiated successfully and you can still do it, so face your fiancé and ask about the other woman.

If he confesses, then you can forgive him and that alone will always remind him not to hurt you again. Your confusion is a result of suspicion and the pressure of your forthcoming D-Day, so take a positive mentality and he will be yours.
Jack

NEXT WEEK

My brother has lost love and friendship
My brother Bobby has gone through a series of relationships. At 35 he has fathered over four children from different mothers and up to now I don’t know why no woman has stayed with him as a wife and a mother to his children. Bobby works abroad and he comes once a year, but recently he decided to settle down with one of his former women because this woman gave him an ultimatum to have their traditional marriage, or which he did though their relationship was on and off.

Bobby had missed a lot of emotional attachment from a woman until three years ago when he met this beautiful and caring woman. They were best friends and later, he fell in love with her. He was the happiest man ever then. He decided to have his traditional marriage secretly without telling the new woman he really loved and a month after the ceremony, his new girlfriend got to know about it through his fiancé. She was disappointed because he lied to her. But since they were best friends, she forgave him and decided to remain just friends. She decided to move on and find another love but, Bobby didn’t like this because he loves her and he couldn’t stand losing her. She was always there to comfort or advise him when things to didn’t go well with his family or work.

Also, Bobby’s girlfriend has been attacked by women who claim they were heartbroken and that they want her to revenge. I can’t stand the pain my brother is going through and the fact that he has lost his true love and best friend. How can I help him go through this hard time?
Gentle Jack

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