Do you ever know when a new relationship is getting serious? If the answer is a no then worry not, billions of other people do not know either. While serious is very subjective, universally, we recognise a serious relationship as one where two people are dedicated to growing old together. It can happen quickly or it can grow over the span of a few years. The critical component is that both people are invested in a similar way.
Unfortunately, for some, very reformed and forward-thinking millennials reading this and rolling their eyes, being in a serious relationship does involve some sort of commitment. Maybe not a commitment to exclusivity or marriage. But a relationship that is serious involves a baseline commitment to continue being together and caring for each other.
Oprah once quoted someone whose name I forget and it went a little something like “God will throw tiny pebbles on your head until he throws the big rock” or something to that effect. Contextually, it might not apply here but I use it to say even in relationships, there are many signs (that we often miss) that go to show a relationship is getting serious.
One of the signs that you are getting serious is that your time together becomes a sure thing. Your hangouts and dates are regular and a part of your schedule. They cease being something you hope for, have to be coy or shy or negotiate about.
You start to develop rituals. It might be having dinner together every night, making lunch at home every Sunday or even an unspoken rule to always try new restaurants with each other and no one else. The moment these start to happen routinely, then you are most definitely getting serious.
You know it is serious when you are not afraid to discuss the nature of your relationship, when you do not freak out at the prospect of discussing the future, how it involves the two of you together, the non-negotiable in a partnership, hopes and dreams and how you both feel about these topics.
You start to share every aspect and small details of your lives with each other, from the most mundane tasks, to trivial information such as the purchase of a new perfume/cologne to a big promotion at work.
When you know that each and every speck of news would rather be shared with that specific person, then chances are you are getting quite serious.
Personally, I am mortified at the prospect of leaving any items of mine at anyone’s house (even friends). I always want all my belongings with me in my wardrobe where they belong. But for some leaving things at other people’s homes is second nature.
This is handy when you are in a relationship as you know your items can only be in two locations (unless you already live together) you get comfortable and start to leave toothbrushes, underwear and even full outfits at each other’s homes then you have definitely become serious.
Explore these signs as they come up, make sure you are on the same page and that both of you are invested in taking your relationship up a level and grow together.
When to discuss. According to a relationship expert, it is socially acceptable to broach the subject after two months. But some people will get to the stage earlier — it all depends how much time you’re spending together, and how much of a good fit you are.