Some old flames cannot be rekindled, even by magic
Some quick fix doctors will tell you that they can deal with all kinds of problems. Some even promise to return lost lovers. The frequency with which I hear this promise always makes me wonder if there are really that many people who want past lovers returned. Sometimes love dies, we hold a vigil and bury the feelings. Like good Christians, some of us may hope for a resurrection but in many earthly cases, things don’t end in a happily ever after like Jesus’ resurrection in Nazareth.
Last week, I listened to a woman talk about how she fought to save her marriage.
When she noticed the partner was becoming distant, she prayed harder, fasted and cooked all his favourite dishes. She didn’t go into details of whatever else she did but I am sure she groomed and polished the children as well, cleaned the house upside down, did her hair and bought new clothes but none of it helped. The relationship was dead. No amount of advice or prayer could save it. In law, that is what is called irreconcilable differences. While most of us start out hoping for ‘happily ever after’, along the way, things happen that could kill the spark that we had in the beginning.
Once the fire is out, one or both partners may not be willing to try rekindling it or perhaps they don’t even know how. Either way, knowing that this is sometimes a possibility can help us to take out an insurance policy against unforeseen disasters in love. Apart from the children and the shared apartment or the car, what is left when love goes up in flames and burns to ashes? Do the two partners survive or are they destroyed in the blaze?
Enjoyable as it is when two become one, it is one of those paradoxes of life which cannot be explained with ordinary mathematics. One plus one equals one but when love ends, that one must be divided into two. The greatest commandments are love thy God with all your mind and soul and love thy neighbour as much as you love yourself. The key word here is self. You cannot love your neighbour right until you know how to love yourself. So starting today, ask what have you done for yourself lately.
Is everything you do for the other, with no emotional reserve for yourself? That might be the equivalent of spending without saving in the bank, sparing no thought for tomorrow.
Like that woman who left her job so that her man would not feel threatened by her success, you might remain bankrupt when the partner you were banking on eventually walks out, taking your love with him and leaving you with no income and a pile of debt.
Is there a skill you could learn or an education you have forfeited because you are too busy, too happy or your partner would not approve? You may be well advised to reconsider, not because some prophet of doom said your relationship is going to end but because it is a good thing to do and will make your current relationship so much better.
