Suddenly, my man now sleeps fully clothed

What you need to know:

Sometimes men are not good at speaking out what hurts them

For the three years we have lived together, he has always come to bed completely naked. Now I have noticed that he no longer does. Two months ago, he started coming to bed and sleeping in boxers then he bought Pyjamas. The other night it was jeans and a t-shirt. Also he tends to cringe every time I get closer to him. Is this a worrying trend or I am just paranoid?


Dear Shillat,

Your worries are legitimate given the fact that you noticed the change from the usual man that you have known for three years.

I would like to say that we call this a concern since worrying only makes you feel worse about the whole situation.

Generally speaking, men are more outward when it comes to sexuality and are usually comfortable walking naked in front of their partners.

In fact, one psychologist commented that man’s genitals hang loosely from his body, his sexual response is quick and his whole body reacts rapidly and so he is interested in displaying and manifesting sexual prowess.

Men love to be in the lead and take the initiative.

Given the above background, there seems to be more information that you will need to talk about such as what is going on currently in your marriage and also finding out if all is well, emotionally, financially, occupationwise and many more as you might discover along the way.  Sometimes men are not good at speaking out what is hurting them within but instead might act out in a behavioural manner.

Begin by taking very good care of yourself which includes being well-kempt and especially paying attention to your physical health and appearance taking into consideration what attracted him to you in the first place.

Try practising relaxation techniques to help melt away the anger towards his current bedroom actions.

When you finally come to terms with yourself, then find the most appropriate time to discuss your feelings with your partner.

In a nonjudgmental way, let him know how you feel about his actions. Remember as earlier mentioned, men are more external and therefore are visual by nature and enjoy being around a lady who is charming and has a childlike innocence.

If this does not work, it is time to visit a relationship therapist who will accord both of you a safe environment to speak out on things that could have hampered the relationship.

Sometimes this may take a short time depending on what led to the change of behaviour if well handled.

Remember even when married, sometimes you are individuals who need both internal support between yourselves and external from someone you do not necessarily know.

Reader advice

It happens to all men, Oneka Kenneth Poseidon

This thing happens to most men. When dating someone and freshly living as a couple, the passion you have for the babe is mind blowing.

Then time comes when you don’t want her to even touch you mistakenly, you start entering bed in a suit claiming you will wake up early at 4:00am to go for work. The fact is this thing happens and people think you hooked another babe yet you aren’t even seeing any other woman.

Once you get married, the level of passion never remains the same.

Carry out checks

Phoebe Miriam

Jeans in bed!??...That man is tired of your game! He seems to have hooked up with someone else!

Do your background checks on him and make decisions later.

Have that talk with him

Sandra Frances

Two things related; one he has gotten someone else that he sleeps with and comes back when he is satisfied. 

The other one he might have lost his manpower, sit him down and talk to him. 

Revise your conversations

Mukhwana John

Revise your conversation with him in the past two months for example trying to compare him with your exes, became nagging and did not apologise etc.

Check yourself

Amani Bryce

It’s a message that you should check yourself. Maybe there are certein things that you no longer do.

What is the whole story?

Chris Lampard

You did not tell us the whole story. Chances are you closed out yourself to him. That is why.

He will come around

Jeremiah Jones

He will come around. My husband stopped showering all of a sudden. He would return and jump straight into bed. I let him be. I also decided to sleep with the children in their bedroom. A month or so later, he resumed his showering routine.



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