The need to establish boundaries

Boundaries refer to limits that you put in place to protect your well-being. I know some people will read that first sentence and briskly conclude that this article is solely about selfishness. However, if you stay with me, you will realise this is going somewhere else.

When boundaries are clearly communicated, along with the consequences for breaking them, your partner understands your expectations.

There is no room left for grey areas, you proceed, act, grow and interact within those regulations you have set for each other.

Relationships without boundaries are an incubator for outbursts, resentment, irritability and dissolution all of which could have been avoided by communicating clearly to your partner in which ways you would like to be treated and at the same time understanding the same for them.

In order to establish effective personal boundaries, you have to know yourself, communicate your boundaries to others, and follow through with the consequences. Boundaries are for you and about you.

They are about respecting your needs in your relationship.

When you are uncomfortable about something in your relationship, but don’t speak up and share it with your partner, resentment will inevitably build up and start to form the cracks that will lead to the relationship’s demise.

Knowing yourself is key (which I realise for many in this generation is still a work in progress) are you in touch with your emotions?

Do you have control over them and as such are you aware of the emotional boundaries your partner needs to respect.

Healthy emotional boundaries require you to know where you end and your partner begins.

If your partner is upset and you notice yourself sharing this feeling, a boundary might be needed.

Notice when you feel guilty, ashamed, upset, and undervalued.

Boundaries might be needed when you notice these feelings coming up around certain issues or situations, so that you are both aware of how you must navigate the circumstances that involve your emotions.

Then there are physical boundaries, I know as a nation we struggle with this. We struggle with people just wanting to touch you.

Having the conversation to have distance or your personal space respected when you are in a relationship can be incredibly difficult.

Often, people do not understand how you can want to date them, be attracted to them and still not want to be around them 24 hours a day latched on for dear life.

This here opens up a much deeper conversation and calls to question the selection process we go through when choosing our partners, if you are not a person that thrives on excessive PDA and being in the company of your partner all day then perhaps stay clear of the needy fish as you pick from the plenty in the sea (or in this case Lake Victoria).

Human beings are multi-faceted and have ideals, beliefs and views. Dating someone does not mean you must agree with 100 per cent of what they think and believe in nor should you change your beliefs simply because they do not agree with them.

To that end, I encourage you to set intellectual boundaries, see your partner and the makings that you fell in love with and respect their beliefs without trying to change or infringe on them.

Boundaries in relationships work both ways: they create emotional health and are created by people with emotional health.

There are some things you can start working on today with the people close to you and you will begin to notice a difference in your self-esteem, confidence, emotional stability, and so on.

Just start

Differences...

There are some things you can start working on today with the people close to you and you will begin to notice a difference in your self-esteem, confidence, emotional stability, and so on.