Married for 20 years, Pastor Chris Nsubuga and his wife Lynette are passionate about equipping couples with practical tools to build and sustain joyful marriages. PHOTO/EDGAR R BATTE
Marriage is a journey, and depending on who you ask, that journey can be described in many ways. For some, it is pure bliss. For others, it has not quite turned out that way. But many will agree on one thing; marriage is what you make of it. The effort, intention, and commitment you invest often determine the outcome. Pastor Chris Nsubuga has spent the last 20 years navigating that journey alongside his wife, Lynette. She is not only his life partner but also his friend and co-pastor at Worship Harvest Mukono.
Together, they have learnt valuable lessons, some through joy, others through challenge, that now form the foundation of his upcoming book, River of Love: The 14 Hidden Keys to Marital Joy. Nsubuga, also a coach, author, and John Maxwell Team speaker, is passionate about equipping couples with practical tools to build and sustain joyful marriages.
He is even developing a couple’s game designed to strengthen relationships through play. “Games open us up,” Nsubuga says. “Whether it is a board game or an electronic one, when couples play, they laugh, talk, and share. They are more relaxed and more themselves.” Quoting a Chinese proverb, “Tell me and I forget, teach me and I may remember, involve me and I learn”, he explains that shared activities help couples immerse themselves in their relationship, learning as they go and connecting more deeply.
Grace over rules
One of his core lessons is the importance of receiving and embracing God’s mercy, grace, and love, both individually and as a couple. “You can be very legalistic in your relationship with God, and that spills into your marriage. It becomes about dos and don’ts,” he warns. “But the Bible teaches us to love others as we love ourselves. That is not tit-for-tat. No marriage works that way.” Instead, he encourages couples to lead with love, grace-filled, forgiving, Christ-like love. “Joy is a decision,” Pastor Nsubuga says emphatically. “You can have everything in the world and still be miserable. So, choose to be cheerful.” Referencing Scripture, he reminds couples: “Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice.” Joy, he says, is like drawing water from the wells of salvation, it is essential and sustaining.
Financial custodianship
Quoting Willard Harley’s His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage, Nsubuga touches on a reality many couples face, financial strain. “You may not be rich, but it is important for the man to provide,” he says, adding, “Ideally, your wife should not have to work just to make ends meet. It is about stewardship. Managing well whatever resources you have.” That does not mean women should not work, but rather, that there should be a sense of financial security and partnership in managing the home.
Purpose
Marriage, he explains, is also about contribution; what legacy you leave behind, especially as servants of God. “At the end of it all, what we take into eternity is what we have done for others,” Nsubuga says. He urges couples to be impactful, make disciples, serve others, and start businesses that uplift the.
Be fully in
“Do not have one foot in and one foot out,” he advises. “When you make your vows, commit fully. Be all in.” He stresses the need for shared convictions, aligned goals, kindness, affection, compassion, and forgiveness. “No relationship survives without forgiveness,” he says. “You will need to say sorry, and you will need to forgive, again and again.”
Honour and courtesy
Respect and honour are non-negotiables in marriage, Nsubuga believes. And honour is a two-way street. “Yes, wives are called to honour and submit to their husbands,” he explains. “But the Bible also commands husbands to honour their wives, so that their prayers will not be hindered.” It is about mutual respect, he adds. Treating each other with dignity, grace, and tenderness.
Conversation
Constant conversation, he says, is the heartbeat of a strong relationship. “Talk. Share. Connect. That is how you stay on the same page,” he says. “When couples stop talking, distance creeps in.” He also emphasises the importance of creating healthy boundaries, especially with extended family and friends. “There is a sacred space that belongs only to you and your spouse,” he says. “No one else should occupy that space. Your partner should know they are special, set apart from everyone else.”
Fight fair, solve together
Inevitably, problems will come. Nsubuga encourages couples to face them as a team. “During premarital counselling, we were told to always sit on the same side when facing a problem,” he recalls. “Put the problem in front of you, not between you, and say, ‘This is what we need to solve.’ Fight the issue, not each other.”
Be adaptable
Change is constant, and Nsubuga urges couples to embrace it with grace. “Think of change like conducting a choir,” he says. “You do not control the music, but you guide the harmony.” As bodies, schedules, and seasons of life evolve, couples must adjust and grow together. “Maybe you were a great dancer in your youth. Now your knees disagree,” he jokes. “Or your full head of hair has become a memory.” The point? Stay connected through each phase of life.
The heart of marriage
Pastor Nsubuga believes emotional intimacy is the ultimate expression of marital connection. It is what sustains the relationship when everything else fades.
“Marriage is not just about physical closeness or legal commitment. It is about truly knowing and being known. Loving and being loved, at your deepest level.”
After two decades of doing life and ministry together, Pastor Chris and Lynette Nsubuga are still learning, still growing, and still choosing each other. Every day. Their story is a reminder that with intention, grace, and love, a joyful marriage is not just possible, it is within reach.
