What you need to know:
When they had just started dating 12 years ago, Joseph and Mary would wear as little as possible around the house
Has she started coming to bed in her underwear for no reason at all? Worse still, has she suddenly bought seven new bikers that have become part of her pyjama wardrobe? Or maybe you have seen a pair of jeans, too tight she needs help taking them off, which she wears before slipping into bed hours after you have dozed off?
Yeah, these are tale tell signs things have started to go south.
When they had just started dating 12 years ago, Joseph and Mary would wear as little as possible around the house. She walked around the house doing chores in just a T-shirt. Sometimes, she would wear his boxers.
In bed, at night or even during the day, she emulated Eve in the Garden of Eden before the serpent came hissing.
Joseph says their urge to sleep, or even walk around the house naked was because of the comfort that it gave them.
“We felt a sense of security, comfort and trust just being there naked,” he once told me at our local kafunda after one too many.
Even when it was not for the sex, because sex was never a daily routine, the idea of their naked bodies, skin pressed against skin was always fulfilling.
Then she returned home one night and just slumped into bed with her work clothes and Madea-like wig on.
The only thing she removed were her high heeled shoes but Joseph swears she would have entered bed with the all-stars had it been Friday when they often dressed down at work. Although he did not read much into it the first time, it became apparent that there was trouble in paradise when the routine continued.
What was worrying also was the fact that the intimacy was no more. This is a major sign that you will probably not get ‘some’ that very night, or ever. For Joseph, it was a struggle, he says, to try and undress Mary. For a man who was used to smooth sailing, he found it very awkward that he would now have to fidget with her underwear. Her interest in him had dwindled and when this goes, it never returns.
What could explain the shift from ‘it was comforting to sleep next you naked’ to ‘please do not look at me like that again’ every time she comes out of the bathroom already dressed up? Usually, this is a sign that she is maybe getting care and love from somewhere else.
She returns home in time to prepare family dinner but is already satisfied she would rather sleep it off. Then, she starts ignoring you and no longer finds any fun in the things that you used to say and would make her giggle endlessly.
Usually, when you see this change of behaviour, the odds would be in your favour if you tried to dig deeper into her biker-to-bed shenanigans.
Most importantly, it is time you asked the serious questions and did all you can to save your marriage.