Sometime last week, a few friends on social media sarcastically shared a post, “So what is your plan if nobody marries you?” and they got me thinking. I would also love to throw this question to my ‘single and searching’ friends out there.
Do you have any plans for your life just in case nobody ever accepts your proposal (for my brothers) or offers you a marriage proposal (for my sisters)?
I realised that as girls, we are raised to wait for prince charming on a magical love chariot to come and sweep us off our feet. But as we grow from girls to women, we realise that love is not a piece of candy we once dreamed of.
No one ever prepares us for the bitter part, the tears and heartbreaks that come with falling in love and when we finally survive all that we still hope for that prince charming. For some, it happens soon while others are stuck in the waiting room. But as you wait, what is the plan if nobody comes across and offers you a marriage proposal?
As eras change, the way things are done also changes. It is ok for women to go out there and offer proposals instead of waiting for that gentleman to come for you. You may despise that lady but before you do, do you have a better plan to get that ring on the finger or you are just living one day at a time?
Years pass by so fast, you might never realise because you are so busy chasing career and worldly desires but at some point, it hits everyone that marriage is still pending. The elders are good at reminding you every chance they get and much as it is always interpreted as nagging, it usually comes from a place of wishing you the best in life.
An unmarried person in most African cultures is considered lacking. They are not men yet but boys and some cultures do not even give them a proper burial just in case they die before they have a family or children. As for women, there is the ticking clock and much as you might ignore it, it keeps ticking and if not careful, it might just close your chances of having children.
Anyway, enough of the negative reminders, what is your plan if nobody ever marries you?
A friend once told me that she was once considering the artificial means of conceiving, “I do not seem to have any luck with men and yet I am getting old. I would love to have a child of my own and there are sperm donors. Should I go for it?” She seemed determined but then her aunties had to lay reality before her.
A fatherless child with no background whatsoever is not easy to raise. Everyone wants to belong somewhere and have a last name that they can relate to. What was she going to tell her child when he or she grew up and started asking questions about the father?
That is easy to fall for, but would you really want your child to bear that burden? Yes, there is no guarantee that all men play dad but even so, it is just comforting to belong somewhere and not just be a laboratory child. After a few months she met someone who married her and now they have a set of twins. See, she had a plan in place just in case no potential husband ever came her way. But what is your plan?