Why you always end up dating bad guys

Thursday May 06 2021
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By Chris Hart

Most men are actually quite nice, but it is surprisingly easy to find yourself endlessly dating those who are just the opposite. No sooner does one horrible relationship end, than you find yourself in another. Somehow every man you meet seems to turn out abusive or unreliable.

So how come your world is so full of bad guys?

It might be because they are exciting. And all through history women have preferred the tough men, because they are the ones who win. And they have tough sons, who will also be winners. But they are also less likely to commit, more likely to be unfaithful, more likely to leave you, abandon their children, and to hit their partners.

Not all macho men are abusers though, and the odds against you meeting an endless series of bad guys just by chance are simply huge. So, somehow you must be unconsciously choosing dates who will mistreat you. Though since all those choices are unconscious, you will be totally unaware of what is going on.

And the reasons for your preferences probably go back a long way.

Because we all form a subconscious list of what we find attractive in a mate. But along with these visible features come less obvious characteristics that link back to the way your first lover treated you, and the way you related to your parents as a child.

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So if you and your first love fought, you will find yourself choosing men who fight with you. If your parents put you down, you will choose men who make you feel small. If your parents neglected you, you will seek out men who neglect you too.

That sounds even a bit like you? Then you need to develop a different dating strategy. One that ensures you are only dating the good men in future.

College friends

That starts with only looking for dates through work, college, friends, or places you socialise regularly, so you already know something about them. And then checking them out, starting with your very first conversation. Just polite questions that establish their work, background, availability, what they like doing and so on.

Control of your past

 Work through your childhood thinking about anything that might be relevant to your dating pattern. And in future, avoid the sorts of men you usually find attractive. You typically go for athletes? Next time choose a geek.

Get the idea? Dating is really all about dumping the bad guys, so you can concentrate on the good ones. So, quickly get rid of anyone who shows any signs of insecurity, anger, infidelity and so on. Or anyone who does not treat you right.

Trust your instincts

Or whose behaviour is in any way weird. Trust your instincts, and no second chances. Because if something does not feel right, it probably isn’t.

Do not imagine you can change him and do not tell yourself you do not mind what he gets up to. You will sooner or later regret making this decision.

Caution

According to experts, the next time you encounter a bad boy in a romantic situation, walk away, vent about the experience to a friend, and give the next nice man you meet a little extra attention. These behaviours, in the end, are the surest ways to leave the bad boys behind and to open yourself up to the possibility of ending up with someone who is kind and good to you.

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