Just The Way You Are Girl is a manual for young girls and women who want to learn and unlearn habits, tools and attitudes learned from society that are harmful to their lives.
Grace Nyamahunge Kyokuhaire’s mission to help women untether themselves brings forth an offering that is fresh and empowering. She shares generously candid information about her life experiences with truth, wisdom and wit while reassuring the reader that they too can change.
The psychologist and relationship coach refers to herself as a “recovering good girl” who out of dating laziness ended up in a polygamous relationship. Her recovery has been long and hard and she felt compelled to help other “good girls” who might be going through the same thing. Kyokuhaire is the sister or friend you did not know you needed. She challenges a lot of our inherent beliefs and replaces them with new insights. The author takes us on her journey of her refusal to let ingrained limiting beliefs about womanhood stop her from living an extraordinary life of successful relationships.
She recalls of a relationship she had at age 19. Because of the good girl syndrome, Kyokuhaire went on to send the boyfriend free breakfast from her restaurant every morning for three months. When the man later dumped her, she realised that it is not always true that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.
This experience shook her worth as a lovable and desirable woman. She strove to make herself even more agreeable for consequent relationships and be the perfect woman.
She has since discovered that this pursuit for perfection forced her to hide who she truly was an imperfect but lovable and desirable woman. And basing on the law of attraction, she found herself attracting men who were just like her; men who were emotionally shut down.
In the book, she tackles several mistakes women make that make them unsuccessful in relationships. She assures women that marriage should not be viewed as an achievement and the man is not doing them a favour by marrying them.
“Marriage should be a win-win situation; you get a leader, he gets a helper, you get a king, he gets a queen,” the author asserts.
For every mistake she reveals, Kyokuhaire suggests a solution and a work plan. For instance if you are the kind that has issues with body image, she recommends taking better care of yourself and focusing on those parts of you that you are proud of. One of the more radical insights in this book is the call for women to become comfortable with receiving from men.
“Most of the things we do which we call love such as buying men gifts, making phone calls, organising outings etc translate to unconsciously chasing a man and in most cases it backfires against us. Men are hunters, they get triggered when they pursue,” she states.
Borrowing insights from other notable proponents of this belief such as Steve Harvey (Think Like A Man, Act Like A Woman,) and Sherry Argov (Why Men Marry Bitches) the author shows why being the pliable and generous girlfriend will not turn your causal relationship into a marriage. She suggests expecting and demanding attention, time, respect and provision from men.
“If you tell him upfront. . .he knows that you are expensive, that he is going to put in a lot of work to get what he wants. If he is just looking for a good time and has no interest in investing. . .he may figure out that your price is out of his range and move.
For another man, your sticker price may be affordable,” says the author. Have you ever seen a couple and wondered why the man is devoted to a woman who seems
underserving of him? This is not about those catty thoughts women have by the way.
Some men tend to stick to some women no matter how badly they treat them. According to Kyokuhaire, these are women that have discovered their secret power as women and have mastered the art of seduction. Contrary to what our local sengas teach, this power has nothing to do with sexual prowess and everything to do with our chakras.
The book introduces you to your chakras and shows how blocked chakras affect not just our relationships but our finances and health too. She gives the reader a work plan on how to recover their lost power and how to balance their chakras.
This is not just a manual, it is a workbook with exercises and questions that provoke the reader to reflect upon their life and resolve to make changes. Written in a conversational style using simple language, Just The Way You Are Girl is an easy read.
But most importantly, the experiences are relatable, the tips easy to understand and has an overall optimistic tone which gives the reader the feeling that not all is lost and they can still turn their lives around.
Author: Grace Nyamahunge Kyokuheire
Price: Shs50, 000
Point of sale: Jumia