Living and loving it: When mothering is difficult
What you need to know:
- Mothers were also spoken to and they talked about children who have disowned or abandoned them, children who they love but who are so different from them in character or temperament which makes it hard for them to get along.
- Many children too cannot understand why they were abandoned by their mothers, why someone who birthed them would refuse to even just meet for a couple of hours or have a relationship of some sort however basic it is.
Yesterday was a good day for many mothers across the world, including me. Many reached out to send happy Mother’s Day wishes, and at home the children pampered and said wonderful things about us. As I received all these good things with a broad smile on my face and wished many mothers the same, I could not help but think of women for whom motherhood feels not only tough, but unrewarding. Even painful.
Years ago, I read a magazine that put a different spin on this much celebrated day, and brought to the fore, relationships of mothers and children that are distant, full of strife or animosity. One woman talked about the difficult relationship she had with her stepmother, of how they were not enemies but certainly not friends. Another talked about how she has not been in touch with her mother for years and how it hurts but is probably best for them both.
Mothers were also spoken to and they talked about children who have disowned or abandoned them, children who they love but who are so different from them in character or temperament which makes it hard for them to get along.
All these stories kept going through my mind and I considered what it is like to be in those shoes and how difficult Mother’s Day must be like for mothers and children in such situations. All around us, the things that are said, that are portrayed in the media, and in music proclaim that the relationship between a mother and her child is one of the strongest. The images and stories show how a mother’s undying love for her child will get her to do anything for them, and how that bond is closer than most. And for many people this is true. But for millions out there, the story is different.
Many mothers cry many nights in the solace of their rooms, wondering why they just cannot get along with their children. They cry because they are judged before they are understood. They wonder what they can do to make things a little better because nothing seems to work.
Many children too cannot understand why they were abandoned by their mothers, why someone who birthed them would refuse to even just meet for a couple of hours or have a relationship of some sort however basic it is.
The world says that women should be good mothers, but it does not teach what to do when motherhood does not come easy. It does not teach what to do when everything you have tried has failed. It does not teach where to go for help because it is assumed a woman shall automatically know how to raise a child, and create a loving relationship even with the one who for some reason rejects her.
The world says that children should appreciate their mothers who have sacrificed so much for them, but it does not teach what to do when whatever appreciation offered is never enough. It does not teach what to do when the mother judges harshly everything the child does. It does not teach what to do when the mother shuns every trial to have a relationship.
As we settle from the excitement of celebrating Mother’s Day, let’s spare a thought and more for mothers and children caught up in such webs and give them less judgment, less talking-to, less gossip and instead offer more kindness, more comfort, and more support.
